


Ethereal Blues

by the_last_fall



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, Drunk Sex, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, Jealous Mark, M/M, Mild Smut, Original Character(s), Slightly dubcon, Smut, Swearing, Worship, hot sweaty boyz, i hate my tags, increasing profanity smh, it's my first one, please don't judge, really soft jackson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-21
Updated: 2018-07-08
Packaged: 2018-09-18 22:22:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9405539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_last_fall/pseuds/the_last_fall
Summary: That day, Mark saw all the wrath, and all the beauty of Jackson behind the hundreds of petals floating down from the ceiling like snow, and he wanted nothing more than to hold Jackson tight and protect him from his cruel world, forever.





	1. Your Beauty, In my Heart

 

     Mark struggled with himself sometimes in his head. He wasn’t sure if he liked Jinyoung or Jackson more. Both were precious to Mark, but it wasn’t until Jackson stormed into their room that day that Mark truly figured out who he liked. Jackson ran in with a handful of petals, tears streaming down his face. _‘Is this a prank?’_ Mark thought. They maintained awkward eye contact for a moment; then Jackson screamed bloody murder from the bottom of his throat, and threw the petals as hard as he could. That day, Mark saw all the wrath, and all the beauty of Jackson behind the hundreds of petals floating down from the ceiling like snow.

— — —

“Jackson, breathe. I’m right here.” Mark said, patting Jackson’s back as he sputtered, coughed, and threw up delicate, dry flower petals. They were a beautiful shade of viridian, resembling drops of crystals in Mark’s eyes.

“It’s Jaebum. I knew it.” Mark said, noting the bitterness in his voice. Jackson was the closest to him. Jackson was the only one who would go above and beyond every possible capability to please everyone. Jackson didn’t deserve this. Or, rather, the world did not deserve Jackson. They didn’t deserve to have a human so full of love for others. Jackson tried to say something, but only ended up in a dry hacking cough, his eyes red and puffy, as well as his cheeks and lips. Even with all of Jackson’s pain, Mark could tell. He was so irresistibly beautiful.

“You’re beautiful. You’re so beautiful, Jackson..” Mark whispered into Jackson’s ear, pulling him closer and cradling him in his lap.

“Hyung..what happened?” came the soft close of a door and an even softer voice. It was on the point of breaking. Mark looked up. Jinyoung.

“Im Jaebum. Im Jaebum happened.” Mark didn’t even try to hide his hostility. It was burning through him like white, hot wire. Jinyoung knew something serious must’ve happened. It was uncharacteristic of Mark to show any reaction to anything whatsoever.

“Hyung. Turn around. Let Jackson face me.” Jinyoung commanded, any hint of doubt gone from his voice. Mark obeyed, and gently turned Jackson to face Jinyoung. Jinyoung stifled a shout, and ran over to Jackson. “Hanahaki…Jackson…” Jinyoung squeezed his eyes shut and pulled Jackson’s head to his chest, his own tears streaming down his face. 

“Jinyoung…Mark..” Jackson weakly whispered out, gently leaning on him for support. There Jinyoung, Jackson, and Mark stayed, surrounded by a pool of those deadly yet immensly beautiful blue petals.

“Jinyoung, I want to die.”


	2. Your Radiance, In my Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lazy Mark ---> TRANSFORM ---> protective Mark (basically)

     The first thing Jinyoung noticed was Mark’s change of behavior. Mark began to watch every other member, eagle-eyed, at their dinners. This of course made all the other members uncomfortable, but they didn’t want to admit it to their hyung. They kept their mouths shut for awhile until Jaebum broke the silence.

“Hyung. Please stop looking at me like I killed Coco.”

“Ah.” Mark replies slowly. “Was I?” The words themselves were harmless enough, but it was Mark’s slow, deep, icy voice that made all the other members pause nervously. Jinyoung nudged his elbow softly, then sighed a loud sigh.

“Ahh, the dance practice was tiring today. But no matter what, our Jackson is growing prettier day by day huh?” Jinyoung teased, winking at Bambam. He smiled back, but didn’t laugh. The rest of dinner went by somewhat smoothly, until Jackson began to choke on his rice. Mark was the first and the fastest to react. Jackson stood up immediately, grabbed Mark’s wrist, and ran to the bathroom. Mark then proceeded to angrily slam the door shut as they heard the chik of a lock. Jaebum narrowed his eyes. 

“There’s something going on between those two. I don’t really know what, but it’s been bothering me. Jinyoung-ah, do you have any idea what?” Jaebum asked, turning towards Jinyoung.

“Dunno.” Jinyoung replied shortly, before walking back to his own room.

— — —

“Jackson. We have to do the surgery. Listen to me. Even if the side effect is memory loss of Jaebum, we don’t know if it’s temporary or permanent so I’d rather see you healthy and-“ Jackson, whose face was still facing downwards to the toilet, put a hand over Mark who was kneeling behind him.

“Mark, how could I forget our leader?” He said, pausing as Mark handed him a glass of water and drinking it. “No matter how much this hurts, no matter how much pain I endure. I…I want Got7 to be like it always has been.” Mark’s heart tightened a bit and anger flashed across his eyes. He hoped Jackson wouldn’t see it in him. He wanted nothing more than to scream at Im Jaebum, or maybe even punch him. That would do him some good. “I want you to think about it, Jackson. I don’t care about Jaebum. I want what’s right for you right now, not him.”

“Hyung. Please flush these flowers down.” Jackson ignored him as he whispered breathily, struggling to get up. Mark hurriedly went to flush the toilet and helped Jackson up. 

“Get on my back.” Mark ordered as he squatted down, the back of his head level to Jackson’s thighs.

“Hyung, you just need to support me a little, you don’t have to-“ Mark shushed him impatiently.

“I said get on my back.” Jackson finally relented, moving slowly onto Mark’s back and resting his head against Mark’s shoulders. “Jackson, there’s no need for formality with me. I’ll always be Mark to you.” He said in English, making Jackson smile.

“You’re warm, and you smell nice.” Jackson let out a weak laugh, despite the pain in his esophagus and stomach. “Thank you, Mark.” Jackson said in English. It was a simple phrase, but it made Mark’s heart flutter and he blushed slightly at Jackson’s wonderful accent. “No problem.” He whispered back, closing the door behind them.

— — —

Jaebum was bothered. Not so much as in _concern_ for Jackson, but because he was spending an increasingly large amount of time with Mark alone in their dorm, and it bothered him to no end. It didn’t help that Jinyoung was bringing bottles of water at 1-2 hour intervals every single day, and often staying there for another hour before getting out. It all bothered Jaebum too much.

“Youngjae-ah. I’m going to go check on Jackson and the others. Keep sleeping.” Jaebum said, releasing his hold softly from Youngjae. Youngjae stirred awake, turning over.

“Ah. Sure hyung.” And with that, Jaebum softly planted a kiss on Youngjae’s forehead before getting out of their shared mattress.

— — —

“MARK BEAT ME AGAINNN!” Jackson screeched happily in English, while Jinyoung scolded him to quiet down and helped him drink some water. But Jinyoung knew that his scolding wouldn’t hurt Jackson, because his smile was bright as he looked at him.

“Hey, at least you’re not the noob. You two have pretty great decks, but it’s just that Mark uses his brain.” Mark simply nodded in agreement, leaning closer to Jackson on their shared beanbag and putting his phone down for a second to rest his eyes. 

“Ahh Mark, I wanna redo-“ Jackson stopped halfway and started choking, gasping for air while spit flew everywhere. He retched, but no vomit came out. “I…hate this..!” Jackson coughed hoarsely. Blue flower petals began to scatter everywhere, and Mark was quick to grab a bucket and place it under Jackson, before patting his back and offering him water. Jinyoung grabbed a cold, damp towel to wipe off Jackson’s sweat while his other hand rubbed Jackson’s stomach in a circular motion.

“Yah! What’s going on in there?”, came a voice that Mark recognized to be Jb. Jaebum was about to open the door and enter, but Jinyoung was faster than that. He slammed himself against the door opposite of Jb, and secured the locks on it.

“YAH WHAT THE HELL?” Jaebum cursed. “Let me in! What’re you guys all doing at twelve midnight with the lights still on??” Jaebum yelled angrily.

“Hyung, this is none of your concern. Go back to your room before your loud voice wakes everyone.” Jinyoung said back to him calmly before walking back to soothe Jackson some more. Jackson once again heaved loudly, and this time Jaebum was mad.

“Seriously! What is wrong with Jackson? Are you hiding something from us? If he’s sick you shouldn’t keep him away from me! We’re all close, I’m concerned for him! Why won’t you let me come in?” Hearing Jaebum saying _‘I’m concerned for him”_ pissed off Mark more than it should’ve. Mark left Jinyoung to take care of the still-vomiting-petals Jackson, and quickly ran out the door and shoved Jaebum outside along with it, before he slammed the door shut behind him. He heard the lock click again, and slightly relaxed a bit.

“H-Hyung.” He heard Jaebum stutter, before quickly regaining his composure. “What was that about?”

“Are you _braindead_?” Mark snarled. “I thought we gave you enough clues? Do you not see the randomly scattered petals on the floor?” Jaebum looked around, noticing a delicate blue petal or two lying around in random places. Then he realized the vomiting sounds from Jackson, and how he was relying on only Jinyoung and Mark.

“Hanahaki.” Jaebum whispered, eyes growing wide. Mark guiltily savored Jaebum’s horror for a second, then retained his stern attitude.

“And out of everyone, who do you think he treasures the most in our team?” Mark was absolutely livid inside, but he outwardly kept it down.

“I don’t know, I think either Yugyeom or Bambam might be-“

“It’s _you_.” Mark cut in; his eyes cold, his words harsh. Jaebum paused for a second. Then he sat down on the couch, and motioned for Mark to sit down too, but Mark didn’t budge.

“Hyung…You know I don’t love him. As a brother yes but not…”

“I know you don’t love Jackson the same way he loves you. You love Youngjae, it’s obvious.”

“Then why does he…you know? Still love me?”

“Do I look like Jackson to you? How would I know? How am I capable of having a heart as warm as Jackson’s? He’ll love everyone unconditionally, even if he doesn’t get that back. None of us deserve him, Jaebum.” A silence settled as Mark finished ranting, neither of them willing to speak to one another. Jb quickly glanced at Mark, who was staring at the TV screen.

“Hyung, could it be that you lo-"

“I want him to get surgery for it.” Mark said quickly, changing the topic.

“…What are the side effects?”

“Memory loss. Of you, that is. I don’t know if it’s temporary or permanent.” Jaebum felt like the world just turned upside down, his feelings jumbled up in his heart.

“Memory loss…Memory loss…” Jaebum kept repeating, feeling a single tear rolling down his cheek. He didn’t want Jackson to forget him. He wanted Jackson and the others to be always by his side, to always be the unstoppable Got7. He wanted to keep hearing Jackson’s high-pitched half scream, half-laughs, even though they were annoying. He wanted to keep ruffling Jackson’s soft hair, hear him shout ‘ _Hyung!_ ’. He wanted Jackson to keep loving him like the selfish fool he was.

“Hyung, what if I pretend to-" Jaebum was about to offer, when Mark pinned him down against the couch and muffled Jb’s shout with his other hand.

“Don’t you dare, Jaebum. I won’t let you. I’d rather see him _forget_ you than you pretend to _love_ Jackson. Don’t think that I’d let you get to Jackson that easily.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please inform me of any spelling/punctuation errors ^^


	3. Your Benevolence, In My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted a more light-hearted chapter because I can't stand writing that much angst ajbfvahb (forgive me for taking a break from the main plot)

     Jackson called in sick for the next two days, which included a fan meeting and an appearance in a reality TV show. Mark didn’t trust Jackson being alone, or anyone outside of their group staying to take care of him so he called in sick too. His only explanation to JYP was that it was extremely urgent, and he promised that it wouldn’t happen again. This made JYP irritated, as it wasn’t only just Jackson gone from the fanmeet, but now Mark was going to be absent as well. 

“Mark, what do you think this is? The fanmeet is tomorrow, and two of Got7’s members will be absent?” Mark was reluctant to tell JYP what was actually going on, but they were already at the end of their discussion and Mark seriously needed to find a way out of this; he had no time to make up lies.

“Jackson has Hanahaki disease.” JYP didn’t respond for awhile, and instead sat there with a blank expression on his face. He opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it. A sigh escaped, and finally JYP spoke.

“What? You mean the one-sided love disease?” JYP asked, now getting out of his seat and slowly walking around the room.

“Yes, he’s been vomiting irregularly, so I don’t trust him to be alone. We also don’t want news of this spreading to the public, so I don’t advise hiring a caretaker. I don’t even trust the noonas enough.” Mark imagined, slightly frustrated. He didn’t want anyone else other than his Got7 members taking care of Jackson.

“Very well…but who does Jackson love? Do you know?” Mark was reluctant, but if he wanted JYP to let Jackson rest and recover he would have to tell him the truth, because he wasn’t exactly _the_ best at coming up with stories.

“Jaebum.”

“Huh?”

“Im Jaebum.” JYP furrowed his eyebrows.

“I don’t mean to cuss but Mark this is bul-"

“There’s a surgery procedure for it.”

“To get rid of the Hanahaki disease?”

“Yes, but it means that Jackson will lose any memory he has of Jaebum. That’s where the problem lies.” Mark heard JYP groan loudly in exasperation and went back to sit in his seat, rubbing his temples while keeping his eyes closed.

“How did we get ourselves into this predicament?”

— — —

Mark and Jinyoung knew that sometimes Jackson had good days, with only one or two coughing spasms that only brought up a few petals. On other days, Jackson would have to vomit every other hour or  so and the flowers would come up in bunches like a bright blue bouquet of the sea.

And Mark hated it. He hated himself, for not confessing to Jackson. He hated Jaebum, for not giving Jackson love. He hated the world, for it caused Jackson pain. But for now, he was content. It was just him and Jackson in the house; except Coco. Coco was there too.

“Mark.” Jackson said, shaking Mark out of his thoughts. “I think it’s a light day today.” Jackson said with a serious face, facing him. Mark snickered, holding back his laughter the best he could. “What??”

“You-pfft-you sound like a girl whose on her period- _‘Mark-hyung, I’m having a light day today!_ ’” Jackson turned beet-red, and slapped Mark’s shoulder.

“Don’t make fun of me. Look at my state right now.” Jackson said, but pouted as well.

“Yea yea, Wang-puppy. Anything for you.” Mark smiled fondly as he ran his hand through Jackson’s soft platinum hair. He looked like an angel with his wide brown eyes and always-pink lips. They sat there in contented silence as Jackson leaned his head on Mark, closing his eyes. Mark leaned back, taking in the smell of peaches and fresh linen from Jackson’s shampoo.

“Do you mix it together?”

“What?”

“Your shampoo. I’ve never smelled peach and linen together before.”

“It’s my style.” Jackson said mischievously, poking Mark’s cheeks.

“Jackson, we should do something for the fans today. It’s a light day and I’m pretty sure when they all get back we can whip something fun up real quick, then present it to JYP to see if it’s okay to broadcast online. I don’t think the fans will be pleased to see you and I gone for all this time.”

“The wise words of the HYUNG indeed. The legends have foretold it for years. Mark, you’re finally somewhat intelligent.” Mark took a pillow and slapped Jackson’s thigh. “I want what’s best for our fans too.”

Jackson only nodded as he coughed a bit, cupping his right hand over his mouth. There were only 4 petals this time, Mark saw as Jackson let his hand down.

“ _Beautiful…_ ” Mark unconsciously muttered to himself.

“Huh?”

“What? Did I say anything?” Mark said, feigning innocence.

“Mark, you’re so dumb.” Jackson chuckled, to which he received another pillow-slap to the thigh.

— — —

“We’re BAAAAAAAAACK! DAB DAB DAB DAB DAB!!” Bambam shouted as soon as the rest of them arrived back at their dorm, dabbing all over the hallway and hitting the other members in his dabbing rage.

“JACKSON-HYUNG! GUESS WHICH _HOT_ OPPA BOUGHT YOU ICE CREAM!” Bambam yelled proudly, holding up a bag full of Jackson’s favorite vanilla ice cream.

“Don’t tempt me.” Jackson said, eyeing the bag out of the corner of his eyes.

“That’s right, our Jackson will only stick to organic green tea for the rest of his life.” Youngjae laughed. Jaebum hung around the back of the other members, occasionally nodding and smiling but never laughed too hard.

“Anyways. About that live video I was talking about. JYP approved it, we’re good to go.” Mark said, waving at the phone with a selfie stick attached to it.

“Hyung, I think we should go over what we wanna do first, y’know so it’s not a complete mess. Also, we just got back. At least give us time to take a shower and everything.” Jinyoung said, motioning to the other members.

“Alright, you guys go get cleaned up. Jackson and I will be planning the basic outline of this video-" Jaebum gave Mark the side eye and Mark sighed, “-but not without the approval of Jaebum.”

— — —

“YOU STUCK YOUR HAIR IN MY NOSTRILS!” Yugyeom shrieked as Youngjae practically flew from halfway across the room to let Yugyeom smell his hair. Jackson smiled as he saw his other members happily running from room to room, preparing for the shoot. He loved his hyper teammates, especially when they acted differently from the mature personas onstage. Mark glanced at Jackson, who was discreetly looking at Jaebum every once in awhile. He felt his heart squeeze a little, but he didn’t want it to disrupt the other members’ happiness. Not when Jackson was right next to him, in all of his platinum radiance and dazzling smile. He leaned closer to Jackson, tucking one arm behind him on the sofa as the other rested on Jackson’s knee. “It’s been a good day.” Jackson nodded in response, leaning back onto Mark’s arm before closing his eyes.

“Mark, you smell like the sea. Y’know why?” Jackson smiled cheekily even though his eyes were closed. “Cause you’re the _salt_ of GOT7!” Jackson whispered happily in English.

“I hate your stupid puns.” Mark groaned but felt himself smile. “YA little ones, let’s get this video started!”

 

* * *

\---Extra:---

“Let’s read what Mark and Jackson planned.”

"YA BAMBAM IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME MY UNDERWEAR I WILL FART ON YOUR FACE!" Jinyoung yelled as he chased Bambam across the room.

“Jb-hyung, can you grab us the toy microphone?”

“We don’t have a toy mic anymore. Coco ate it remember?”

“Then use Coco as the mic.”


	4. Your Brilliance, In my Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry h God what have i done

      Jaebum made up his mind. He wanted to talk to Jackson. He missed him, missed how Jackson’s smile was able to cheer up every member of GOT7, missed how they always had their serious “hyung-talks”. He had thought about it for weeks, and Jackson and Mark’s combined absence left a hole in Jaebum’s heart. He _missed_ Jackson. It was a rare chance that GOT7 managed to have a free day in the midst of their busy schedule, so Jaebum finally put his foot down and decided on how to spend it. So that’s why he was here, pleading in front of Mark to let him in to Jackson’s room.

“Go away.” Mark glowered. “Today’s not a good day to see him. He needs his rest right now.”

“I won’t disturb you hyung, let me just see Jackson. I want to see how he’s doing…please?” Jaebum tried an innocent look, but anyone’s other than Jackson’s didn’t work on him.

“Quit making Youngjae wait for you. You two were supposed to go to the cafe together. He’s waiting outside in the cold for you, you heartless fool.”

“I…” Jaebum quieted down. He didn’t have the heart to make Youngjae wait out in the cold for him, but he also wanted to see Jackson, badly. 

“Jackson, if you’re in there then I want you to know…I’m worried about you. I really am. I am a heartless fool, Mark is right. But I want the best for you, and I’m so lost. I don’t know how to be there for you all the time like Mark and Jinyoung. I’m a failure, not a hyung, Jackson.” Jb said sadly, his eyes brimming with tears. Mark didn’t say anything, but he evidently became less annoyed. Jb was getting ready to leave when the door to Mark and Jackson’s room opened.

“ _Hyung_.” Came a weak whisper, and Jaebum snapped his head around so fast he almost got whiplash. There Jackson was standing, being helped up by a cautious Jinyoung.

“Jackson…I’m telling you, Mark wants you to rest so-"

“Jackson! What’re you doing? I thought I told you to get some sleep and Jinyoung what the hell you were…” Mark faltered and stopped lecturing Jackson at the look on his face. Jackson was _crying._

“ _Hyung. Hyung. Jaebum-hyung.”_ Jackson kept whispering like a broken record. Jackson’s eyes were shimmering with tears and his lips were cherry red. 

“Jackson…” Jaebum reached out for him, but Jackson began to cough violently, vomiting petals into the hallway. They were stained with a bit of blood today. Mark looked down at the new bloodstained petals, and back to Jackson in horror.

“Jackson I’m here for-“ Jaebum was about to reach out and touch Jackson’s cheek when Mark vehemently slapped his hand away. Jb looked up at Mark, terrified at the look on his face. Mark resembled pure fury and agony twisted into a human face, staring down at Jaebum.

“Get _out_. _Now_.”

“Mark, he’s calling my name and-"

“I SAID GET _THE FUCK OUT_ , IM JAEBUM!” Mark screamed, punching JB's right cheek in his full-blown fury, sending Jaebum tumbling back a few steps. Jb looked at Mark, wide-eyed and scared at his sudden explosion.

“I DON’T CARE FOR ANYTHING ELSE. DON’T EVER COME NEAR JACKSON AGAIN UNLESS YOU WANNA FUCKING _DIE_!” Mark said, advancing on Jb even further. Jb was about to retaliate, when Jackson decided. He mustered all his strength to get back up, pushing back a surprised Jinyoung. He separated Mark from Jaebum and held Jaebum’s wrists, whilst still crying and vomiting. Jaebum didn’t mind as he held onto Jackson, closing his eyes. He didn’t mind if he got snot or vomit or blood all over him. He just didn’t want Jackson to hate him. He didn’t want to lose Jackson. 

“Jackson.” JB whispered, holding Jackson tight as he cried and sputtered and vomited more. Mark looked dark and taken aback as he clenched his fists. His nose hurt as he felt the sensation of tears rushing up to his eyes. Mark’s tears threatened to spill from his eyes, but he remembered to be strong and suppressed his tears, but with great difficulty.

“After all this time…” Mark softly whispered to himself, looking at the form of Jackson’s muscular yet somehow infinitely delicate back being held by unfamiliar hands. “After…haha…all this time.” His tears begun to overflow, no longer able to hold it in. Mark turned around from Jackson as he didn’t want to show his weakness to him. “Jinyoung.” He croaked, “Get the medicine.”

“Hyung, you…we promised not to use that one, we can’t use it unless-“

“Get it.” Jinyoung looked back at Mark as he got his coat out. 

“I’ll-I’ll be going with Youngjae.” 

As soon as the front door shut Mark slowly but quietly regained his posture and took one last glance at Jackson and JB, who were tightly embracing. He felt his jealousy and fury rise, but he couldn’t take it out on Jackson. He would never. Mark instead sulked back into their dorm and softly closed the door behind him.

— — —

“Drink some more water, Jackson.” JB said, handing him a bottle of water but not letting go of Jackson.

“H-Hyung it’s diffic-c-cult to breathe. Hyun-g-g.” Jackson said through gasps, no longer vomiting but now having extreme trouble breathing. Jaebum didn’t know what to do, cursing himself for being useless as he relaxed his grip on Jackson and got him situated onto the couch.

Slowly Jackson began to calm down, his whole body sweaty from the painful ordeal. Jaebum stared down for a minute straight at Jackson, then felt the tears resurface again.

“It can’t be. Do I love Jackson? It can’t be.” He whispered to himself, thinking of all those precious times he had with Youngjae. But even those seemed a bit smaller than now, where he was staring down at the peaceful sleeping face of Jackson. Down at the fallen angel, radiant though he was. Jaebum hated himself.

“You’re a bastard, Jaebum. Are you giving up on Youngjae? I hate you.” he muttered, reprimanding himself harshly. But even so, with his soft platinum bangs swept across a tender face, and hues of pink spread across his cheeks and nose and ears, JB couldn’t help but feel that Jackson was the most beautiful human being on Earth.

“Impossible. It’s definitely brotherly love. It is. It definitely is.” Jaebum repeated over and over until he heard the buzz of his phone. It was a message from Mark.

— — —

_—“Don’t let Jackson back into my room for tonight. I’m not feeling well and I don’t want to release my anger against him.”_

_—“Who should I let him room with then?” Jaebum texted back._

_—“Who’d you think fucking dumbass”_

_—“I’m guessing it’s me then…but like what if I don’t have room”_

_—“You have room for two you cheating bastard”_

_—“I’ll let Youngjae room with you“_

_—“No. I don’t want to. Just let me be for the rest of the day”_

_—“Ok. I’ll have Youngjae room with someone else”_

_—“I don’t care”_

_—“I was just informing you”_

_—“Whatever”_

_—“Do you really love Jackson, hyung?”_

_—“None of your business.”_

_—“You do, hyung.”_

_—“So what if I do?”_

_—“I think I might too, hyung.”_

_—“You fucking bastard.”_ And that was the last thing Mark texted Jaebum for a long while. And Jaebum fiercely agreed with Mark. He was the essence of the word “bastard”. He felt disgusted at himself.

— — —

“JB-hyung…” Jackson said as he slowly got up. “Which room…”

“You’re in my room.” Jaebum replied shortly. _“Why am I being like this??? Don’t direct the anger towards Jackson!”_

Jackson looked around sadly, then looked back up at Jaebum. “I want to die.” He said simply and suddenly.

“No you don’t. Don’t even think about it.” _‘Can’t you be nicer??”_

“Tell Youngjae that you want him back. I don’t want any misunderstandings.” Jackson said as he was about to leave. JB held onto his wrist tightly. “Tonight…tonight you’re not leaving, Jackson.” JB finally decided, saying it in a low, serious voice. Jackson flushed scarlet, slightly trembling.

“Ah-hyung-"

“What’s wrong?” Jaebum said, pulling Jackson back towards him.

“Hyung, don’t touch me.” JB furrowed his brows, slightly annoyed.

“Jackson-ah, you don’t have to hide anything from me.” JB forced Jackson to sit down, whilst Jackson still trembled all over, looking wide-eyed at JB.

“Hyung, I have to go really fast. I’ll be right back.” Jackson tried to get up again but he was unsuccessful. JB held him down, pinning Jackson down on the floor.

“Tell me. What’s wrong?”

“Y-you...! I-Oh my god-You’re so oblivious, hyung..! G-get of-f..!”

“Tell me first.”

“Get off, get off, I SAID GET OFF OF ME!” Jackson yelled, tears forming into his eyes and thrashing about as Jaebum realized. _‘Could it be?’_ He pulled Jackson’s shirt up to reveal his toned body, and saw what he was looking for. A mark that resembled a scar, only in the vague shape of a blooming flower right above his heart. Or physically, as JB just noticed, above Jackson’s right nipple. 

“SHIT!” JB yelled, but he didn’t pull Jackson’s shirt down or let go of Jackson’s wrists. That was, until Jinyoung barged in.

“Jinyoung. This isn’t what you-I mean like-" Jinyoung looked absolutely livid, his fists clenched into balls as his knuckles whitened.

“Im Jaebum. _What do you think_ you’re doing to Jackson?” While Jaebum was taken aback, Jackson hurriedly got up to rush over to Jinyoung, holding him in a tight hug.

“Jinyoung, I can’t do this. Don’t make me room with him. I can’t.” Jackson buried his face in Jinyoung’s chest and muffled his sobs.

“If you do anything like that one more time to him-“ Jinyoung’s eyes flashed with anger. “-I’ll make your life more miserable than it already is.” And with that, Jinyoung helped Jackson walk out, JB losing his train of thought as he only watched the motion of Jackson, how he swayed when he walked. He was so…delicate, so ethereal. And he forgot about everything else.

“Hyung.” Youngjae said, looking wide-eyed at him and back to Jackson. Then he looked taken aback. “Hyung, don’t tell me…”

“Youngjae! Please, come over here, I need to explain…” JB suddenly returned to reality, eyes wide with panic. But JB had a plan.

“I’m sorry hyung. I can’t-I’ll go back to Jinyoung’s dorm for tonight.” Jaebum ran faster than he ever had before to lock the door to prevent Youngjae from leaving. He pushed Youngjae against the wall, and whispered into his ear in a deep voice that he knew Youngjae was sensitive to. “I said listen.” JB growled as his lips met Youngjae’s suddenly.

"Mmph-!"

— — —

“I want to go to Mark’s dorm.” Jackson said, turning away from Jinyoung’s room.

“Jackson, Mark texted all of us saying that he didn’t want anyone there tonight.”

“I don’t care, Jinyoung.”

“He might actually get mad at you…he cares for you so much, and to see that you were hugging-ah, never mind.” Jinyoung frowned, worriedly looking at Jackson.

“I don’t care, so please let go of me now.” Jinyoung sighed in protest, but let Jackson go anyways. In the end, Jinyoung always let Jackson do what he wanted to. “I know Mark gave you the key to the dorm. Please give it to me.” Jinyoung eyed Jackson.

“I can’t save you from Mark if he gets mad at you.” Jinyoung said, dangling the keys just out of reach of Jackson’s height.

“It’s-o-kay.” Jackson huffed as he tried to swat for it, like a small kitten. “Besides,” Jackson said, pausing as he smiled. “Didn’t you save me from Jaebum-hyung?” Jinyoung smiled back.

“That’s right, Jackson. I’m your  _superman_.” Jinyoung emphasized in horribly broken English, and gave Jackson the keys. “Call me if needed, I have a saw in my room.” Jinyoung said, winking.

“What the heck, you’re really creepy.” Jackson laughed nervously as he walked up to the dorm that read: “MARKSON!!! FOR THE MARIO BROTHERS ONLY!!!” Jackson took a breath to be mentally prepared, and entered the room plastered with a big smile on his face. He then closed it politely and locked it quietly, in hopes of surprising an unsuspecting sleeping Mark.

“MARK IM-“ Jackson stopped in horror at the sight in front of him. Mark wasn't sleeping. There he was on the floor kneeling, surrounded by white lilac petals that were dyed crimson by a pool of blood, some caught in a bowl but the rest spilling out onto the floor. Mark screamed silently, his veins protruding in his neck and temple, his eyes bloodshot and streaming with tears. He screamed silently for Jackson, who immediately rushed to his side and was about to call Jinyoung and the rest of GOT7 when he found a bottle of pills laying tipped over on their mattress. Jackson read the information.

“Mark…those pills you made Jinyoung get…they weren’t for me.” Jackson muttered, terrified. The type that _he_ had wanted. It was able to get rid of the flower blooming inside, but it was extremely agonizing and slow, getting rid of a small bit, taking two hours at a time. It was a chemical made to disintegrate the flowers, but it also burned wherever it touched, so the user was supposedly in agony for two or more hours.

“Mark…how could you do this to yourself…” Jackson said, holding Mark’s hands and looking down. He didn’t want to see the looking of immense pain on Mark’s face.

“For. You.” Mark croaked, leaning against Jackson and erupting with more bloodied clumps of flowers leaving him in a momentary seizure as his forehead and whole entire body produced more sweat. “ _Anything. For you_.” He motioned weakly for Jackson to sit next to him, not across, and almost slumped over. He pointed at the clock. “A-Almost.”

“I’ll stay by your side, Mark. I promise. I’m such a fool, Mark.” Jackson cried, even though he tried not to in front of Mark. He cried out his heart, seeing his Mark like this. But he had to stay strong, always, for Mark. It didn't seem so that way, no matter how much Jackson tried. Perhaps Mark was the only one who truly stayed strong for Jackson, and not the other way around.

— — —

“When did this start?” Jackson asked, letting Mark rest his head between Jackson’s legs as he softly ran his hands up and down Mark’s shoulders.

“A day ago, at midnight. I’m not sure why it took me so long, but it did. I guess when true realization hits the painful cycle follows.”

“Mark…” Jackson looked down at Mark, not knowing what to say. There was a slight pause as words were not enough for Jackson to express his regret towards not treating Mark better. Mark was the one who spoke first.

“I want a massage. Not too rigorous.” he said, as Jackson wiped Mark's forehead and neck with a cold towel.

“Ok. Go lie down on the mattress after I prepare some pillows to put under your chest.”

“Mmph.” Mark sighed in content as Jackson sat on his back, kneading his back muscles and neck. Jackson didn’t realize how muscular Mark was until he massaged him. Jackson smiled slightly.

“I didn’t know you were this muscular. Now I have even more competition.”

“I still need my ‘hyung-image’.” Mark retorted. “Thanks for this, Jackson. Really.”

“No problem, Mark. Anything for ‘hyung’.” Jackson said, smiling. The air became visibly more relaxed, as Jackson massaged with only his feelings as he closed his eyes and breathed in Mark's scent. Oranges. It was relaxing for both Mark and Jackson, and Mark wished that perhaps, somehow, by some miracle, that they could stay like this forever. Jackson and Mark talked about their past, and their favorite hobbies. It was like meeting someone knew, but with the refreshing touch of familiarity. They laughed and smiled at every little thing and joke each other made, and Mark was grateful; because Jackson's laugh was the most beautiful thing in the world.

Things went along smoothly until they heard a loud moan coming from another room. There was another moan that followed, even louder. It was Youngjae that was making those sounds. “Nnng-ahhhnn!” They heard Youngjae whimper even through their closed door. Jackson tilted his head down and tried his hardest not to blush, but his vision sharpened and he felt his cheeks heat up. Mark seemed not to hear it, but was in deep thought thinking something else. Something inside Mark snapped. Clearly Mark read the aftereffects of the medicine, but he had forgotten all about it in their lighthearted chat; it was heightened arousal and desire.

“Hey Jacks.”

“Yea Mark?”

“You said ‘ _anything for hyung_ ’ right?” Mark began to breathe heavier.

“Yea?” Jackson asked tentatively, wondering what was up. Mark suddenly reached back to grab Jackson’s thighs, and rubbed them up and down, getting way too close to Jackson’s _that part_. Jackson yelped, jumping up and to the corner of the room, looking at Mark wide-eyed. Mark didn’t even flinch. He smiled, but it wasn’t a genuine happy smile, it seemed to Jackson. It was a smile filled with greed.

“Then how about we do what Youngjae and JB are doing?”

“Mark. What?” Jackson said, actually blushing this time, trying to hold his hands to his cheeks to cool them down. Mark gave Jackson space for a sense of solace, but he didn’t stop.

“Basically,” Mark said slowly, who was trying to emphasize each and every single word, ” _I. Wanna. Fuck. You._ ” Mark said, his voice strong but his eyes dim, their twinkling light lost.

And Jackson couldn’t help but blush the shade of red spider lilies. "Mark...!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's up to the readers, aka you guys! tell me if you want jackson to reject or accept mark's (lowkey threat??) *-* im a bad person im so sorry *Bows down to you all* please forgive me i am so so sorry Ajkbdfbva


	5. Your Luminescence, In my Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the results have been noted! The markson ship will sail on ahead ^^ and i promise there will be smut in this fic //also, the start of this chapter is a flashback in case you're confused

       Mark was never the loud type. He was sensitive, quiet, and thoughtful; his world was monochrome. His friends, all monochrome. His life, dripping with the aftertaste of that sad, sad ‘ _monochrome_ ’. 

Until he met Jackson, and after that, until Jackson screamed and cried his heart out in front of him, seemingly exposing his everything down to the smallest quark that Jackson was comprised of. And Mark loved him for being so colorful, for being so true and human.

Mark loved Jackson’s sleeping face, because he looked so painless and innocent. Mark loved stroking Jackson’s hair while he was asleep, running his fingers through the soft silver strands. He also loved to confess to Jackson while he was asleep; that way, Jackson won’t ever have to listen to him when he was awake.

“Jackson…you are the endless skies, the endless sea, and the horizon in between us.” He closed his eyes, and sighed deeply. Mark whispered to him, “Why won’t you realize, that you are _my everything_?” 

Surprisingly, one of Mark’s hobbies was writing poems. They were free-form poems that didn’t have to rhyme, and Mark loved it because it gave him a sense of freedom. They were all chock full of cheesy love for Jackson, and he was so embarrassed that he only took a photo of the writing and burned it afterwards. He would not show anyone his phone; not even Jackson yet.

— — —

Jackson blushed, but kept a determined face, although he was nervous. “Mark…I can’t. You’re acting weirdly because of the medicine.” For the first time in a long while, Mark pushed Jackson away.

“You’re right. I’m dangerous, stay away from me right now.”

“Mark, I didn’t mean-"

“Please, stay away.”

“Mark-" Jackson reached out to touch Mark’s face when Mark quickly retreated back to his original position. “Mark, what’s wrong??” Jackson asked worriedly, on the point of breaking.

“What’s wrong with me?” Mark asked softly, whilst slowly tying a belt around the leg of his bed to his own hand to restrain himself. Jackson tried to stop him, but he merely turned away at his touch. “What’s wrong?” He chuckled.

“I _HATE MYSELF_! THAT’S WHAT’S WRONG!” Mark screamed once more, looking at Jackson with those pained, bloodshot eyes.

“Mark..!”

“IN A WORLD WHERE EVERYTHING CAN HURT YOU, IN A WORLD WHERE YOU’VE SUFFERED SO MUCH, THAT EVEN _I_ HURT YOU! I CAN’T _FUCKING FORGIVE_ MYSELF! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?” Mark said, turning back to the sobbing, weak Mark that he tried to hide for so long. He was infinitely lost.

“In this universe, where you are susceptible to so much cruelty and pain, I just wanted to protect you from that. Jackson, don’t you get it? I love you so much. And it hurts, so bad.” Mark continued to cry, presumably rousing all the other members, but they didn’t dare come near their room. Jackson had nothing to say and simply swallowed his spit, his tears splattering onto the wooden floor.

“You act tough and strong on camera but I know you Jackson, _I know you._ You’re so fragile and sentient of others’ feelings that I feel like if they cursed you you would break at the slightest murmur. And I would hate them forever, Jackson. When you get hurt, I feel the pain. When you’re mad, I’ll share the anger. When you’re happy, the world is brilliance itself in my eyes.” Mark hiccuped, smiling sadly.

“I don’t know how to get close to people. It hurts me because it’s you, Jackson. These few days I was so worried. It seemed like you were so delicate you would break, and I was beyond myself trying not to hurt Im Jaebum.”

“Mark, I’m sorry.” Jackson said, crying. “I’m sorry I can’t be that person you want. I’m sorry I don’t love you. And I’m sorry that I love Jaebum-hyung.” Mark wanted to dry his tears, but then he reminded himself that he was restricted by his own belt.

“Jackson, look at me.” Mark said, tears still slightly streaming down his face. Jackson looked up, his face reflecting Mark’s. “I don’t know how to touch you. I don’t know how I can comfort you. I don’t know how I can tell you _‘I love you’_ without hurting you. I don’t know how to always stay by your side. Because-because I know you’ll leave me someday.” Mark was lost, his eyes only filled with tears the last few days. “How _do_ I touch you?” Mark murmured to himself quietly, but Jackson heard.

“Well, you start like this.” Jackson said, grabbing Mark’s hand and put it to the side of his face. Mark stroked Jackson’s soft face, and Jackson removed Mark’s restraint so he could cup Jackson’s face in his hands. Mark planted a soft kiss on Jackson’s forehead, melting at the touch of soft skin against chapped lips. Jackson smiled; he was used to being kissed by the other members, or giving them kisses

“C-can we do a bit more, just a little bit, for me?” Mark asked timidly. In his right mind, he didn’t want sex with Jackson..but perhaps a bit less than that was okay. He wanted the contact of Jackson’s skin against his fingertips. Jackson pondered for a while, then smiled a little at Mark.

“Yea. What do you want?” Mark blushed at this question. he was nervous and excited at the same time.

“U-um, get on-get on my lap.” Jackson hesitated slightly, and Mark noticed. “Ah not that! I mean just sit on me.”

“Why?” Jackson asked, laughing a little.

“C-cause you have a nice back.” Mark murmured, embarrassed. _“Did I just actually say that..?,”_ Mark thought to himself, blushing deeper and deeper red. “And take off your clothes.”

“Huh??” Jackson said, suddenly stopping and looking at Mark with confused eyes.

“I mean-don’t strip, just take off your top.”

“Mark…well, fine.” Jackson took off his shirt, revealing his toned body and Mark stared in speechless amazement, even though he’s seen it a few times before.

“Jackson..” Mark whispered as he began taking off his own shirt. Jackson stopped him, flustered.

“Wait..oh my gosh wait Mark…umm…this all seems kind of weird don’t you think?” Jackson said, blushing slightly.

“Well, yea kinda you’re right. I’ll keep my shirt on-Don’t put yours back on though!” Mark pouted as Jackson sighed in relief. “But could you blindfold yourself and then put headphones on?” Mark said, timidly handing Jackson a sleeping mask and bluetooth headphones.

“Mark, quit being weird.” Jackson laughed as he accepted the items.

— — —

Mark breathed heavily against Jackson as Jackson’s back was brushing against his chest. He wanted to recite one of his poems to Jackson without Jackson actually hearing it. Mark knew it was slightly cowardly and immature of him to do so, but he was never the one with too much courage anyways.

“Jackson, I made a poem for you.” He said to the Jackson who couldn’t hear him against the music in his ears. “I hope you’ll like it. Ahhh, im so cheesy its embarrassing.” Mark grabbed Jackson in a tight hug from behind.

“Aack! Mark you’re squeezing me!” Jackson shouted, to which Mark rubbed his shoulders as a sign of saying sorry.

“You see, I like writing poems…I know, it’s weird! But it’s also really relaxing so, I was going to recite you one that I wrote today. Is that okay?” Mark asked, waiting for an answer he knew that Jackson wouldn’t give. Satisfied that Jackson couldn’t hear him, he prepared to recite it as Jackson leaned back more into Mark. “Ok, I guess here goes nothing.”

“Once a millenium,

a tear falls down to Earth.

Whose is it?

A tear that gently bathes the floating world.

Who's crying?

The sleepless nights,

is it a good-bye tear?

A hello tear?

Salutations;

to the one who is no more,

Salutations;

to the me who was no more…

these sleepless nights

Salutations;

will I see you again?

Drops of tears fall on my hands.

They glow with a rainbow luminescence.

Thin gossamer blows through the wind.

The door opens.

Will you say goodbye, or hello?

Help me remember what brilliance is once more.”

 

       Mark blushed, but he was comforted by the fact that he was finally able to say one of his poems out loud and it felt great to do so. “I did great, right?” Mark said, suddenly blurting out for no reason.

“Yep, you did great.” Jackson said, turning around to peck Mark on the cheek.

“Ah?? You can hear what I’m saying??” Mark asked, blushing deeper than ever.

“Yup! And you did great!” Jackson said playfully as he nuzzled against Mark.

“Y-you heard the poem.”

“Yup!”

“The entire poem.”

“Yep!”

“JACKSONNN!” Mark yelled, pouncing on Jackson and Jackson happily screeched in succeeding to embarrass Mark. They playfully fought until both of them were exhausted, and eventually dozed off. Old Mother Jinyoung who was squatting in annoyance outside of their room finally went inside their room to turn off the lights and pulled Jackson’s blanket under his feet to cover his body. He sighed in irritation.

“Someday. Someday I will fart on both of you in your sleep.” Jinyoung grumbled, rubbing his temple as he walked tiredly back to his room.

— — —

“But you do realize that you will all have to get back onstage in the next…let’s say 3 days? I expect nothing over that. You two have been out for almost a week and a half. As vital members of GOT7 and representatives of our company I hope you realize that your appearance to the masses and media are very important.” JYP said, eyeing Mark and Jackson sternly.

“I understand.” Jackson said, eyeing Mark. “We’ve been trying to get the rumored ‘suppressants’ from the doctor based in New York, but it’s hard to contact him and the suppressants didn’t come cheap. They will arrive in a few days. We are expecting two to four more days, as we ordered it about half a week ago.”

“So this suppressant…Well, never mind. You don’t have to elaborate on it, just make sure that it works. You still have responsibilities as members of GOT7.” JYP sighed. “Anyways, now the two of you. This is really _surprising._ I guess GOT7 won’t be the same ever again.” JYP laughed ruefully and slightly jokingly, but Mark and Jackson looked at one another. They knew; in that way, JYP spoke the truth. GOT7 will never be the same again.

As Jackson’s hanahaki got slightly better day by day, Mark’s grew worse somehow.

“Mark, does this mean that hyung…”

“No, Jackson. The seed’s not telepathic. It can’t tell what Jaebum is thinking. I’m guessing it’s based off of your confirmations that he probably is gradually getting closer and closer to you. Which means for me…” Mark stopped, his expression dark.

“Mark.” Jackson said sternly, looking him in the eye. “I know I said I don’t love you the way you do for me, but that doesn’t mean I’ll leave your side. So stop thinking about those silly thoughts of me leaving because I’ll always be here.” Jackson grabbed Mark’s hand. “By your side, like this. Because you are my special Mark. And special Mark will always have Jackson next to him.” Mark never knew it would pain him so much hearing Jackson say “my Mark” always saying “my” “my” “my” making Mark want to keep Jackson to himself forever. But it scared him to no end; Jackson’s words were genuine, but the people around him were not to be trusted. They were not genuine. And Mark knew in a way that Jackson would not be his forever.

— — —

Mark was pissed. He was so fucking pissed. But he was also irrationally pissed. Jb had the nerve to ask Jackson if he wanted to go for a night stroll around the city. Right in front of Mark.

“I know you’ve been hurting a lot lately, so I just wanted to take you around what you wanted to see. The night lights, remember?” Jaebum had asked, smiling. Jackson was smiling back, and Mark was out of his mind.

“Hyung, I’d love to go, but we’d only be able to go out for like an hour or so. I still have to take care of Mark.”

“That’s fair. But an hour is better than none, right Jackson-ah?” Jb said, playfully ruffling Jackson’s hair. Mark was about to bite Jb’s hand.

“I’d like to but Mark-" Jackson looked at him full of hope, and Mark’s anger vanished and dissipated through him. Mark was being a jerk. He nodded, smiling.

“Of course, go Jackson. You’ve been cooped up in our dorm. You deserve a breather, and I think a night ride is perfect for you.” Jackson smiled, hugging Mark. Jaebum scratched his head and looked away. Mark savored the moment, holding onto Jackson for longer than he intended, until Jinyoung intercepted.

“Please do separate, you guys aren’t filming a drama.” Mark grumbled something about Jinyoung being the reincarnation of a widow, and Yugyeom and Bambam holding Jinyoung back from murdering Mark.

“Have fun, hyungs!” Bambam waved as Jackson and Jb stepped out into the cool night air.

“Speaking of hyungs, where’s Youngjae…” Yugyeom’s voice softly came wafting through as he shut the door after them. Everyone pretended not to hear.

“Well, Jackson. We finally get to spend some quality time together.” JB said, his breath creating puffs of air visible in the dark night. “I bought a bicycle just for this.”

“Really?” Jackson asked incredulously.

“Of course not, gullible.” JB chuckled, grabbing Jackson’s arm softly. “Let’s go.”

— — —

“HYUNG YOU’RE REALLY BAD AT THIS!” Jackson yelled as JB pedaled at high speeds.

“THIIS ISN’T RELAXING AT ALLLLLLL!” The wind passed through Jackson fiercely as he tightly hung onto JB. JB kinda liked it, so they went a little further before JB finally found the park next to the Han River that they were stopping at. Jackson dropped down from the bike, still feeling adrenaline shoot through him. Jb curled up next to him, offering his arm as a pillow for Jackson. Jackson accepted, taking in the warmth and softness of Jaebum’s hoodie.

“Don’t do that ever again, hyung.” Jackson grumbled as he closed his eyes. Jaebum simply laughed in return, saying, “Well I kinda liked it when you held onto me really tight.” Jackson blushed quietly and snuggled into Jaebum more.

“Hyung, I’m conflicted. Over so much, and I don't even know how to express it out loud. It seems like it's so easier to bottle it in but it's not; it's also so hard to.”

“I can tell. I’m sorry for being inconsiderate of your feelings. I’m not that great of a person that you think I am, Jackson.”Jaebum smiled sadly at Jackson. “I can tell they way he treats you, Mark is a much better person than I.”

“I’ve been going through a lot these few days.” Jackson absentmindedly murmurs.

“I know.” Jaebum pulls him into a hug. “If you’re tired, we can stay here tonight.” He chuckled. Jackson laughed a bit too, but also coughed, coking up a few blue petals. Jaebum’s eyes widened nevertheless. “It’s been a long time since I’ve seen these petals. D’you know what flower it’s from?”

“Forget-me-nots.”Jackson sighed. “How lame. At first I thought it was chrysanthemum…chrysanthemums are so beautiful, hyung.”

“But the flower is somewhat fitting, yea?” Jaebum patted Jackson’s back. “Oh yea, and what’s Mark’s?”

“Mark’s is white l-“ As if on cue, Jackson’s phone rang. “Jinyoung what’s up? Mark…oh. We’ll be there immediately. I’ll tell Jb.” Jackson’s face went pale. “Hyung, hurry there’s no time go go go, we have to head back.” He pushed Jaebum and JB quickly ran over to prop the bicycle back up.

“It’s Mark again?” Jackson nodded quickly. “Hold on tight again.” Jaebum said as they sped off back in the direction of their dorm.

— — —

“You’re back!” Jinyoung called worriedly from the sofa. Jackson looked puzzled and irritated at the same time.

“Why is he alone in the room?”

“He won’t let us in there. I called you earlier because he demanded that you come back; he only wants you there. Just as a heads up, I think he took the other pills instead of the suppressants…” Jinyoung said nervously; Mark’s pain hurt their members too.

“I understand.” Jackson said, on the verge of tears. ‘Stupid Mark.’ he thought as he briskly closed the door. The sight was horrible once again. The basin was full of white lilies, and blood was smeared across Mark’s face and hands and the basin itself. Jackson swayed, gagging at the sight of blood everywhere. Mark’s face was once again pained, his tears mixing in with the caked blood. Jackson dropped down to his knees and held Mark’s hands, then cleaning them with a wet towel. He didn’t want Mark to hurt himself anymore. Mark gagged once more, vomiting more petals. 

“Stay-by-me…” Mark managed to rasp.

“ _Forever._ ” Jackson cried, wiping Mark’s blood, sweat and tears onto his own sweatshirt.

— — —

After the painful seizures, Mark was paler and weaker than ever. He held his hands over his eyes. 

“I hate myself. I can’t protect you like this.”

“You always say this…” Jackson cried. “You never realize you’re the one who needs to be protected from this pain..! Mark, why are we hurting like this?” Jackson said, grabbing Mark’s hand and put it to the side of his face. Mark stroked Jackson’s face, and they were eventually close enough that their foreheads touched.

“Because I am cursed to be never by your side, Jackson.”

— — —

 Suspended in a medley of ups and downs, rights and wrongs,

Your eyes caught the reflection of a thousand mirrors;

some were screams, others were smiles, but mostly they were tears

Why do you suffer so?

You are the very phoenix, though burning bright in the brilliant, light-filled day

Was it necessary to bring to you a thousand eyes, ears, lips, noses

Just to watch you suffer in them again?

The last bits of tears had dried when I touched your face

“I’ll do it again,” you smile weakly.

The physical “stop” has no meaning; for you, neither do the psychological stops.

The phoenix never rose nor died

It was simply reborn, with all the pain and laughter of its previous reincarnation

You were there in a second, and again in the next.

Simply, you were never gone, but always remaining a shadow of the next

The saddest eyes looked to the tallest heights and sighed, dreamily.


	6. Baby, You're My Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I know the smut ain't that good, but trust me it was damn hard to write (I also tried making the smut more intelligent but you'll see how well that turned out lmao

“You’ve changed.” Youngjae muttered softly. “You don’t love me anymore.” Jaebum looked down.

“Yea.”

“Is that all you can say?”

“There’s too much to say that I feel like if I said it, all of it will come spilling out.”

“Well, first is probably because hyung likes Jackson, right?” Youngjae’s tone came out as a statement.

“Not right now…I need more time to think; I don’t think I like anyone right now.”

“…I’m going to a photoshoot tomorrow, and it’s probably going to last all day including my meeting with them. I’ll probably sleep at the hotel that I’m shooting at. Y’know what? I think I‘ll go today. I think that’s good for the both of us; space.” Jaebum inhaled deeply, feeling smaller and more susceptible to hurt more than ever.

“I’m sorry.” Was the only thing Jaebum could say as Youngjae packed a small backpack-full of clothes and toiletries.

“Whatever is whatever. After all, we’re just 7 guys fucking around and trying to build relationships with each other until our contracts end.” Youngjae chuckled humorlessly. “The most between us is now brotherhood. I’ll see you on Tuesday.”

With that, Youngjae left Jaebum for good.

— — —

“So how are the suppressants?” Jackson asked, finally smiling as he was relieved Mark wasn’t feeling as much pain.

“There’s still a tingling sensation, but not completely burning. You know when you drink water the same time a hiccup comes up? That jamming part is what I felt for the first few minutes after I took this. I would take this any day over the burning medicine.” Mark said, holding up a lavender-colored pill. “Do you need the suppressants?” Mark asked, handing the bottle for Jackson to see.

“No, it’s really light now, like _really really_ light. Yesterday I only coughed up 3 times and those didn’t even produce that many flowers anymore. Which means that I probably don’t love JB-hyung as much now. But that means...” Jackson abruptly stopped, staring thoughtlessly into the light; he had a hurt expression on his face.

“We should speak English around each other more.” Mark didn't hear Jackson and suddenly blurted out of the blue. He blushed. _“Is this an aftereffect of the medicine??”_

“That’s genius.” Jackson smiled warmly, patting Mark on the back. “I think my English may be better than yours.”

“True enough..but I mean I did stay in Brazil for a while, so my English isn’t exactly up to par. I can’t really compare.”

“Bonjour.” Jackson chuckled, brandishing a fake lance. Mark smiled. Jackson was happy, and that was all that mattered; Jackson, the sunshine of Mark’s life.

“Bring it on, _baby_.” Mark lightly growled in English, standing up and brandishing his own fake lance. They leapt at each other and scuffled playfully on the floor, reminiscent of innocent puppies playing with one another. This was Mark’s happiest moment in a long while.

“My painless day calls for a celebration.” Mark huffed out as they both lay sprawled on the floor, content. Jackson nodded quietly, his smile half-hearted.

— — —

Five cans of beers later and an almost-completely wasted Jackson sprawled before Mark.

“You’re a complete lightweight, Jackson.” Mark sighed. He was hoping to get drunk too, but he abandoned all hope after Jackson did a one-eighty on him on the 2nd can.

“I thought…mehh whatever.” Jackson sighed. “Hey you…Your face is like an almond. Like you look like an almond. Mark why you gotta look like a fucking almond?” Jackson groaned. “I wish I had an almond-shaped face.”

Mark suppressed a laugh. Jackson was the weirdest when he was drunk, and Mark was glad he was still sober so he could witness this marvelous sight. “Your face is pretty too. Actually, everything about you is pretty. In my opinion, of course.” Jackson suddenly covered his eyes, groaning. He turned over as Mark looked on in puzzlement.

“You’re always…you-you’re always saying this. How am I supposed to reply? How-do…how should I tell you that I also-" Jackson stopped. Mark’s eyes widened, and he felt his heartbeat stop for a second.

“That you also what? Jackson, answer me, what?” Mark practically yelled out, grabbing Jackson’s hands.

“D-don’t touch!” Jackson yelled. Mark felt Jackson’s sleeves, and it was wet. 

“Jackson, look at me, please.” Mark gently lifted Jackson’s hands, and revealed Jackson’s red and puffy eyes.

“I said don’t loo-“ Mark stopped him halfway by stroking his fingers up and down the side of Jackson’s neck. “Nngh.”

“Do you like me? Like, relationship-wise, not just as friends? Or maybe it’s love?” Mark breathed heavily, demanding an answer from Jackson.

“I...all this time. It's always been you helping me, me ignoring you. It's always been me being ignored, me being tossed away, used and forgotten. But you-" Jackson's voice broke, choking out his words. "You've shown me more love and care than anyone, and I tried to tell myself it was brotherly love. I _made_ myself memorize that it was brotherly love..! Y-you always looked so lovingly to Jinyoung. I don't want to be hurt anymore.. I thought just being near Jaebum would be good, but it's not. It hurts and I _hate_ it. I don't want to be near him anymore. I want to be actually loved for once, and openly love back and I-" Mark felt the thick tears rolling down his cheeks. "I found you in the most b-beautiful place. Among our own petals of emotion that we've held onto and wilted for so long, that we don't know what it's like to have that love reciprocated." Jackson cried, holding Mark's head close to his, smiling and crying, losing himself in Mark's eyes. "..But I'm so scared to say it."

"I will want to care for Jinyoung as my younger brother." He whispered softly. "You are truly, really, my everything, Jackson. I promise that I love you. I will wait for you to say it. I'll wait for you to tell me that you love me and when you do..." Mark stopped, cupping Jackson's hands. Jackson's eyelashes fluttered nonstop, on the verge of drowsiness.

“Let me get you some water.” Mark gulped as he stood up. He looked at the pretty face of Jackson. He cursed himself for holding back, but also was glad he did. He had a semi-hard on. “I’ll be right back. Try not to jump out the window or do anything crazy.” Mark quickly scurried from the room, wide-eyed and still blushing a deep red. While crossing the room to the kitchen, he realized Jaebum’s room was still flooded with light despite it being almost midnight. _Did something happen?_ Mark didn’t care much, and quickly filled up a cup of water.

When Mark got back, Jackson finished yet another two cans of beer. He was on the verge of being completely knocked out this time.

“Jackson! Where the hell did you get the beers from?” Mark asked, quickly rushing over to prop Jackson back up, but it was like holding a limp doll. He propped him up against him instead, and cursed himself again. Mark always put a few more bottles under the bed just in case, and it was room-temperature to fairly cool, just how Mark liked it.

“You’re pokiii-you’re there. You’re poking m-e-e.” Jackson slurred, tilting his head back a little and laughing. “Feels weird.” Mark turned even redder, resembling a prune more than a person.

“I’m sorry, I’ll get off of you and-“ Jackson stopped him halfway. 

“Don’t leave, Mark. D-don’t.” He closed his eyes, leaning even further into Mark. Mark was surprised but also felt warm inside.

‘I won’t. There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to push my feelings onto you. I don’t want you to get hurt by my neediness.”

“Not. You’re _not_.” Jackson emphasized, now turning around and facing Mark. “I want…I want you.” Jackson almost whispered, his breath escaping him as he looked at Mark’s hard-on. “I want.”

Mark resembled a mutation between a tomato and a prune, and almost screamed. Jackson was doing nothing to help his boner and Mark never felt more miserable or intoxicated; but he had an important decision to make. “You sure? You’re all right with it? It’s not just drunk you being gullible and stupid?” If there was a contract there stating it was okay for Mark to make a move on Jackson he definitely would’ve forced Jackson to sign it.

“I want i-it, I said.” Jackson whispered breathlessly, and that was all it took. 

“You mind if I tie your hands up?” Mark almost stuttered, but composed himself."What the fuck are you saying?" Mark thought as he wanted to slap himself. "This is your first fucking time and you want to tie him up???"

“W-What th-the. Tie...If it's only my hands and f-fe-et then shurre..” Jackson slurred, his mouth wet from beer and saliva. Mark tied Jackson up and leaned in to kiss his bright red lips, and stuck his tongue in. Jackson’s lips were soft and large and warm, even though it tasted somewhat bad. He didn’t mind, and savored Jackson’s soft tongue and the inside of his mouth. Jackson breathed heavily. Mark was hoping for him to reciprocate, but he was a total mess. Jackson just sat there, accepting Mark’s kiss. “You’re eventually gonna have to do something..” Mark muttered as he pulled back from the kiss. Jackson pulled down his own pants and underwear, revealing his own erection. Mark tried not to look proud, because he was sure he was larger than Jackson.

“Off-f.” Jackson said, waving his hands at Mark’s pants.

“Is that how you address a hyung?” Mark leaned in, growling in Jackson’s ear. He felt Jackson shudder, and smiled in content. “What if I take my time?” Mark said, enjoying his time teasing Jackson. He knew he was being mean, but very rarely did he get to see flustered and cute Jackson.

“Please.” Jackson begged, eyeing Mark’s pants.

“Alright but don’t get upset if I’m bigger than you.” Mark grinned, taking his pants off. Jackson didn’t say anything, but instead stared with drowsy wonder at Mark’s thick length, dripping with precum. He slapped Jackson's face with it, giggling.

“Ep-“ Jackson made a noise, then shook it off. “N-no blowjob.” Jackson muttered, looking directly into his eyes. Mark was kind of let down and surprised, until Jackson bent over and revealed his slightly wet and faintly pink hole. Mark almost fainted; he wasn’t used to a sight like this. His heart was beating like crazy, and he was standing in the room gaping like a fish while simultaneously staring at Jackson’s ass. "Jus-ss this toda-y-y."

“Wow-um-I mean-um,” Mark stuttered, before Jackson whined.

“You t-tied me up *hic* and expect me to jus-s bend ov-over?” Jackson said with a bit of annoyance in his tone.

“The thing is..I don’t have lube. Or a condom.” Mark said, expecting a very angry Jackson to turn on him as he said so. “And also , I don’t think this will fit in there.” 

“L-emmm-me lick. hands.” Mark reached out as Jackson flipped over, his tied feet and hands in the air as he exposed everything to Mark. He licked Mark’s middle finger and ring finger, and flipped back over. “T-oo much work.” He said, panting. Mark just went for the go, because he never did it before. He stuck two fingers straight in. 

“Nnnnn-ahhh??” Jackson gasped, eyes wide and moaning as Mark’s fingers twirled around inside him. “Too-o-ahnnnn!” 

“Oh my gosh. Was I not supposed to stick two in at once??” Mark gasped, instantly regretting it. “But his hole was so slick and my fingers were also wet…” Mark muttered to himself.

“Keep-ah-ow..It burns but-nn.” Jackson kept moaning, pushing himself against Mark’s long and slender fingers. Here Jackson was, just like in some of his dreams. In fact, it felt like a dream right now to Mark. He was glad he cut his somewhat long and sharp nails; he didn't want to hurt Jackson. He flipped a protesting Jackson over again, and brushed his sweaty blond hair out of his way and revealed Jackson’s large doe-like eyes. Jackson’s face was flushed in a delicate way, and Mark smiled gently.

“You’re so beautiful like this. I just want to hold you and love you.” Mark kissed his forehead over and over again, looking fondly down at the soft figure of Jackson.

“I’m three fingers in…” Mark whispered to Jackson. “Can I put this in now?” Mark said, stroking his cock up and down while still steadily fingering Jackson.

“Mnnn-ah! Mark! Mark!” Jackson cried out and moved helplessly as Mark went faster.

“Sh-agh sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Mark smiled mischievously as he went even faster and deeper in. “Ah geez, we’re so loud..but it’s whatever because it’s payback time for Youngjae and Jaebum.”

Mark gently pulled Jackson’s ass upwards into a kneeling position, massaging his thighs.

“Mark, I…” Jackson whispered.

“Huh?” But Jackson didn’t say anything more. Mark pressed his head against Jackson’s puckered but more loose hole, and Jackson shuddered, his muscles tightening. The first thing was that Mark had no sense of self-control or speed when it came to these things. However, it was good that Jackson had some pain tolerance and was deriving more pleasure than pain, because Mark couldn’t help himself. As soon as he felt the wetness of Jackson’s hole against his own head, Mark’s mind went blank. He slammed his cock into Jackson’s hole, feeling the wetness and tightness of Jackson’s hole pressing down on him.

“MARK-AH-NGGHHH!” Jackson yelled and moaned at the same time, feeling a rush of searing pain and pleasure simultaneously, clenching down on Mark's cock unconsciously because the pain and feeling of it was unreal. Mark still couldn’t think, his memory all blank, just focusing on the shape of Jackson’s perfect back and ass.

“Jackson..! You feel so good..ah.!” Mark groaned as he tilted his head back, slamming repeatedly into Jackson over and over, their wetness and skin making loud slapping noises against each other.

“Mar-k-k! What the fuc-k ahnnnn!” Jackson moaned as his head spun from the alcohol and the pleasure.

“Are you seeing all this? Jaebum, he’s my puppy.” Mark groaned once more after a short pause, staring at what seemed like beyond the door. But Jackson couldn’t get to his senses as his head and body was filled with pleasure. The door opened, and Jaebum stepped in quietly and slowly.

“Well, mind closing it?” Mark growled as he stared him in the eye.

“Huh?" Jaebum said blankly, his arms flaccid against his side, focused solely on looking at the sweaty, naked frame of Jackson.

“Can’t move, can you? Well I’m not forcing you to either. Look how pretty Jackson is.” Mark smiled as he gently tilted Jackson’s head towards JB. Jackson was flushed pink, his hair matted against his forehead. Saliva was dripping out of his thick, cherry-red lips. Jaebum looked on, feeling random jumbled emotions stir.

“Jae-" Jackson was about to say when Mark suddenly pulled out. 

“Jackson…” Jaebum hoarsely replied.

“Jackson, let’s switch positions. Get on my thigh.” Mark said, as he faced Jaebum. Jaebum’s eyes widened.

“Mark you-” 

Jackson put his arms behind Mark’s head as he grabbed for him, his tied-up legs still lifted, revealing his faintly pink cock, precum forming at the head. Jackson moaned once again as Mark touched his hole softly, exposing everything to Jaebum. Jackson's head was hardly visible to Jaebum as his ass was sticking up into this air. Mark played around with Jackson's shiny pink hole, tickling it and sticking a bit of his fingers in, making sure to make it not go deep enough. Jackson whined and moaned for Mark to do more. This time, Mark gently set Jackson onto him. Jaebum felt a tear roll down his cheek.

“Jackson-ah…”

“You ready?” 

“Y-yea.” Jackson said as Mark went into his favorite position, reverse cowgirl. He slid his length into Jackson’s ass as Jackson moaned loudly, clutching Mark's hair on the back of his head.

“Can you see this?” Mark grinned as Jaebum looked on quietly with a hard-on. “You always ignored him, tried to distance him…because you focused solely on Youngjae. You — almost fucking made him die, Jaebum. Die by the suffocation of your — flowers.” Mark managed to huff out as Jackson’s endless moans drowned out his voice. Jaebum could feel the silent tears fall ceaselessly onto the floor now.

“Jaebum-hyung is-s here..ah, ah ahh..!” Jackson whimpered as Mark moved him up and down his length, Jackson feeling himself going crazy at the delicious thickness of Mark inside of him.

“Why do you do this?”

“Why did you come here to — look?” Mark replied emotionlessly, Jaebum turning away.

“He’s yours...he's..he was...”

At the same time, he Mark began to feel a pressure forming at the base of his cock. He reached out to move his hand up and down Jackson’s cock slowly, Jackson moaning lewdly and sticking his body out further.

“Mark-gonna-nnn!” Jackson yelled as his tears mixed in with the saliva dripping down his chin, flowing down his perfect chest in a small stream. 

“Jackson is a mmph — tempest. He ..ahh… he goes where he pleases, and everyone falls to their knees for him.” Mark worshipped, growling in Jackson's ear.

“ _Begs_ for him.” Mark emphasized with a thrust as Jackson trembled in ecstasy.

“ _Kills_ for him.”

“Mark, Mark! NNHH!” 

“ _Worships_ him.” He pounds into Jackson faster and with more strength, striving to reach into him as deep as he could. Mark felt an electric shock go down his spine and a tingling sensation from his stomach, and he feels the height of ecstasy as he shoots his load deep into Jackson. Mark hears nothing briefly and sees the millions of tiny stars explode into his vision. Mark watched Jackson as he came, jolting for a brief moment while uttering a loud groan. Jackson’s clear and white cum splatters onto himself and JB’s shirt, to which he looks down. There are a million curses, and JB couldn’t yell any of them.

“Mark…” Jackson panted before going limp on Mark’s body. Mark slumped down, untying Jackson and holding him.

“Jackson is _my religion_.” Mark grinned up at Jaebum, who looked lost and barely alive. “Did you like that show? Did you expose your shameless hard-on to Jackson? Think you're gonna have wet dreams about him? Do what you will. He's mine now." 

Jaebum ran out of there as fast as he could, the uncontrollable tears streaming down the side of his face. Mark closed the door softly after him, gently smiling down at Jackson's asleep figure on the bed. Mark took a deep breath.

"If you will let me, Jackson...I want to be by your side forever. As we grow old. Until our gray hairs sparkle in the sun." Mark kissed Jackson's hand softly. "Will you let me?"

— — —

The question still remained if Jackson would ever let him. All of the fear of the world and the dread were compressed into GOT7's dorm that early Monday morning. Jackson's bed was empty; so were the hearts of the remaining members of their group. Not only was Youngjae gone, but both Jaebum and Jackson were missing. And Mark had never felt his heart heavier or more afraid than now, as he clutched Jackson's letter in his trembling hands.

_" ~~I'm sorry.~~ I promised."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Markbumson smut or nah? comment down below! Also, I just had to write how Mark worships Jackson bcuz we all know he actually does that (24/7 only the word "Jackson" comes outta his mouth lol). I love reading your guys' comments so much! As always, thank you for all your support ^^


	7. The Stars Will Remember Your Smile {Extra}

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I just wanted to post a little extra chapter here to show Jackson's different sides. I also felt really bad for Youngjae.

Jaebum finally caught up to Jackson, who was running specifically away from him as he tried to escape everything that had to do with GOT7. Only one person could help him now. Only one person understood his jumbled-up emotions. And only one person needed _his_ help right now; maybe through that, Jackson could find his own resolution. JB gripped Jackson’s hand tightly.

“Why did you lie?” JB managed to huff out, taking a breather as he leaned against a willow tree.

“Lie about what?” Jackson said as he averted his eyes. "I need to go somewhere so let's please just make this quick."

“You lied about being drunk, Jackson. Like I don’t know or something. You’re not a lightweight.”

“I didn’t.”

“Quit denying it, Jackson. You were only a bit tipsy yesterday night. You were fully awake. So why did you pretend? Why did you lie?”

“So what IF I did?” Jackson yelled, pulling his hands away from Jaebum’s grip. “So what if I didn’t have the courage to tell Mark everything in my heart? SO what if I desired him? Is it any of your business?”

“I-It is.” Jaebum gulped. “Because you hurt me.”

“..I-,” Jackson began, but was cut off by JB.

“Whose the one that lied about being drunk?”

“So _what?_! Did I ask _you_ to be in any part of _my_ problems?!” Jackson fumed, his frustration fiery in the early morning.

“You hurt me.”

“You were the one who decided to walk in on us.” Jackson bunched his fists. “Now leave me alone. I have someone I need to meet.”

“Who?”

“”None of your business.” Jackson said, abruptly turning around.

“I need to know!” Jaebum shouted as he stopped Jackson once again. There was a pleading tone deep down.

“LET ME _GO_!” Jackson yelled, putting all his strength into shaking Jaebum off.

“Why do you hate me?” Jaebum whispered quietly, his head down. Jackson dared to look back, but averted his eyes quickly afterwards.

“Everything…” Jackson paused, bunching his fists. “-Everything has to do with you, you, you. You’re always at the center, all the time. Whenever I try to speak up at anywhere, you “discreetly” push me away. You think that’s funny, hyung? You think that’s funny that you get to be all up close and lovey-dovey with Youngjae while I stand in the far corners only _hoping_ to reach Mark?” Jackson was in defense mode, his striking brown eyes capable of piercing the heavens above.

“I never-"

“ _PLEASE!_ Leave me _alone_!” Jackson yelled, all of his sweetness and softness gone. Jaebum reluctantly let him go; just like he had Youngjae.

— — —

“You’re here.” A person with a wide brim hat the color of onyx; Youngjae smiled. They were face to face on the tall bridge above the river. “I was wondering how long it was going to take you.”

“Ah-I’m really sorry, Youngjae. Someone got in my way and I was a little bit delayed.”

“Don’t be sorry, hyung. I was just kidding. I’m the one that should be apologizing instead.” Youngjae took a step closer away from the railing of the bridge. He paused for a short while, recalling what had happened.

“Say… is it weird that I’ve been getting suicidal thoughts? I just-I can’t stand anything in this world anymore.” Jackson said nothing, instead held his hands and pulled the fragile Youngjae into a hug. “B-before you got here, I was staring into the water. I was thinking how nice it could be to just experience the adrenaline of the fall, and my body, it-“ Youngjae began sobbing quietly into Jackson’s shoulders. “I’m useless, I’m so useless. Jaebum doesn’t even want me anymore, I’m so useless.”

“How could you be useless? You, Youngjae? You’re the sunshine of our group, and you make us all smile when you laugh out loud. When things get hard, even though you’re younger than some of the other members, you persist until the very end. And I am so, so proud of you. I’m so proud of your progress, and I want you to be confident everyday. Don’t say things like you’re ugly, you’re useless, or you’re a weak bastard. None of those things define you at all. GOT7 doesn’t even define us. We are more than just teammates; we’re all brothers and…maybe sometimes even closer. I want to help you whenever possible, Youngjae. So when you need a shoulder to cry on, when you need someone to help carry your burdens, I’ll be right here. By your side. When no one else isn’t, remember this.” Jackson wiped the tears off of Youngjae’s face, and fixed his hat. He kissed the top of Youngjae’s forehead lovingly. “You’ll always have a hyung to rely on, which is me. Even though you think you’re weak, you’re so strong. You’ve gone through everything that fate have thrown at us, and we’ve still been brothers this close.” Jackson paused, and held Youngjae’s hands once more. 

“Everyone thinks I’m the jokester of the group, and make everyone smile at home with my silliness. But I’m not. That’s a persona I put up for the audience and fans; I stick to a rather calm and serious demeanor, and you know me well. The opposite goes for you. You’re usually quiet and laugh at our jokes on stage, but we like it when you crack your stupid jokes at home, and those weird puns you make. Youngjae, you make us happy. Please keep making us happy until we all reside among the stars. We love you, Youngjae.” Jackson grinned as Youngjae forced a sob back down. He paused, and wiped his tears away as he smiled, putting his wide hat back on.

“I understand now, hyung, why they call you the most beautiful person in the world. You’re my savior.” Youngjae held onto Jackson’s hands tightly. Mark’s words flashed in his mind, _“Jackson is my religion.”_ Flushing slightly, Jackson hid his smile. This was not all over yet. When he got back, he had some serious explaining to do. But for now, the world was at peace, and Jackson felt good to have Youngjae's presence at his side in the calm morning air.

“Youngjae, let’s go get some breakfast.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i change my mind, not only does Mark praise Jackson but all of GOT7 does from time to time (but seriously they do...Jackson enjoys it whenever they do lol)


	8. White Lily, White Lily, Hush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The world was him, and it would vanish when the time came. Slowly, softly, catastrophically. The world was like a delicate rose petal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry this took so long !! There was just so much catching up to do in between the semesters and aghh i really should've done this sooner/// but anyways i hope you enjoy this new chapter! no smut, no nothing, and this isn't even close to the end ;)

        Under the soft yellow petals of the gingko trees, under the gently swaying world of their own. Mark laid there, and held hands with a Jackson who wasn’t there and perhaps will never be. How could Jackson utter empty promises? How could the only person in the world that meant everything to Mark, abandon him? 

“Wake up. Mark. You’ll attract attention if you stay out here for too long. Get up.” A calm but stern voice commanded. Mark irritably opened his eyes and found Youngjae towering above him. 

“Just a while…longer.” Mark said, closing his eyes and sighing deeply.

“What are you, eighty? C’mon. You’re not in an anime, we don’t have time for this! Quit moping. Jackson wants to talk to you.” At this, Mark quickly stood up and brushed the leaves off of his legs.

“Really? Where is he?” Youngjae looked taken aback at his response.

“Wow, Mark-hyung. I thought you would be more unpleasant towards Jackson. You really are a forgiving guy.”

“It’s not that I was mad at him in the first place. It was more sort of…a depressed feeling. Hopeless? More sad than angry; after all, I could never get mad at Jackson.” Mark could remember Jackson’s warm, deep brown eyes, which held his whole world and more. “Buuut, still.” Mark put a shoulder around Youngjae. “That doesn’t exempt Jackson from getting a scolding when we get back.”

“Sure, hyung.” Youngjae muttered as he rolled his eyes.

— — —

“Sorry.” Jaebum bowed down again, and Jackson looked flustered. 

“No what-get up! I really didn’t mean to push you to that point hyung but-" Jackson was taken aback as Jaebum lifted his head. A few tears dripped down to the floor. Coco laid by Jaebum’s side.

“I’m sorry that I can’t fix anything. I’m sorry I’m so mean to you, to Youngjae. I wish I can do better. I wish I could’ve changed things somehow. I wish I can do something, anything to help you.”

“Hyung, stop bowing..! You’re scaring Bambam and Yugyeom.” Jackson said, pointing to the two wide-eyed boys who locked themselves up in the kitchen, peering out towards the living room where he and Jaebum were.

“I’m useless.” Jaebum said, wiping away tears with his hand. Jackson sighed. No matter how mature Jaebum acted, he was still just big and soft on the inside. Jackson propped him up onto the sofa with ease.

“What you’re first going to do is apologize to Youngjae. If he doesn’t accept it, it’s your fault. You were the one who caused a huge amount of chaos in the first place.” Jackson said as he crossed his arms. Jaebum started to rise.

“When he gets here, should I bow-"

“NO!” Jackson shouted exasperatedly. “That won’t do, and you’ll scare the shit out of Youngjae! Plus, you’ve got to pour your heart into your words, hyung. Physical acts of repentance or whatever won’t work alone. You’ve got to mean it.”

“What should I say? I’m so confused. Everything’s messy and confusing. I caused this..how do I undo this mess?” 

“It’s time for you as a leader to figure it out then. I won’t say anything. Saying things you mean from the bottom of _your_ heart,” Jackson paused, poking Jaebum’s chest ,"-Is genuine. Don’t expect anything from me, and don’t copy what anyone else says. This apology is yours to pay.” There was a slight pause, and Jaebum stopped tearing up.

“Then you-what will you do when Mark gets back?” Jaebum said softly. Jackson winced, and a cold anvil weighed his insides down. He had forgotten. His parents had called in the other morning. 

“J _ackson, you’re getting older and more mature. I’m sure you’re successful enough to date, too. What do you say? Remember Jenna, that girl you always used to play with? Well, she never forgot you, haha. She’s been thinking about meeting you soon. She wants to go to Korea soon with her other friends. Do you have time to meet up? Personally, mom thinks that you guys are perfect for each other._ ” His mom had chuckled to herself, while Jackson’s blood ran cold. How could he tell Mark? How could he disobey his parents? How could he _defy_ his parents? Would they understand? Well..either way, Jaebum had no business in his problems right now.

“I’ll take care of it. You take care of your apology with Youngjae. Be gentle with him or else.”

“Jackson..Have you forgiven me, Jackson?” Jaebum asked timidly from the couch, unlike himself to be so quiet and frail.

“Not quite. Maybe time will fix things. Maybe you yourself will understand sooner or later, what you’ve done.” Jackson answered as he stormed into his room.

— — —

“That is-that is quite the problem..” Jinyoung said, looking alarmed. “Jackson, I would advise against acting rashly right now. You don’t know. Your fans and other girls would literally fling themselves at you if they had the chance. I don’t know Jenna personally, but it’s good to have some doubt.”

“I know, I know. I have no interest in Jenna. It’s just-what am I supposed to tell my parents? They’ll be so let down.”

“Jackson, your parents will under-“ Jinyoung paused again, and sighed quietly. He looked over at Jackson, whose face was knotted with worry. “ _Jackson…you look up to your parents so much.._ ” Saying those kinds of things would be useless, and blocked from Jackson’s ears. In Jackson’s mind, his parents were absolute, and so important to him.

“Well, if she _has_ to come here then…see what she’s like first. If she’s a nice and understanding person, we can hope that she’ll understand the situation. If not..things will be difficult indeed.”

“The main problem is, should I tell Mark?”

“Well..Yea. Mark’s understanding and patient. He’ll hear what you have to say. If not, remember that I have a wooden bat in my room.” Jinyoung said, pointing to the pink wardrobe in his room, smiling mischievously.

“Creepy as always.” Jackson mumbled as he smiled a little.

— — —

“HYUNG STOP RUNNING!” Youngjae called from what seemed like ten miles away. “I SAID LET’S HURRY HOME A BIT, NOT _LET’S PARTICIPATE IN THE CROSS COUNTRY MARATHON_!”

“I have to go back! I know Jackson won’t just randomly leave me! I _know_ he has a reason!”

“You won’t be too happy with that reason,” Youngjae grumbled to himself as he struggled to catch up. Mark suddenly stopped a few feet in front of Youngjae, and he stopped too. “ _My chest hurts.. I can’t breathe? No. Not now. No.”_ Mark struggled against the throbbing pain in his chest. _“Something’s more important than this..”_

“Hyung, I told you you were going to get tired. Haha.” Youngjae said as he prepared to walk over. Mark started slanting to the right, and Youngjae felt something was off.

“Hyung. Hyung?” Youngjae said, running towards Mark. Before he could reach him, Mark’s world spun in a circle of blues and greens and grays, melting with each other.

_“It’s..beautiful.”_

“HYUNG!”

— — —

“How can this happen to Mark? I thought he was taking the suppressants.” Jinyoung whispered to Jackson in the car as they were headed towards the hospital where Mark was. They were trying to keep it as quiet as possible, to refrain from letting Bambam and Yugyeom hear them.

“He was! I-right now I-“ Jackson paused he shouted in frustration. Bambam and Yugyeom looked at each other.

“I think it’s best not to disturb Jackson right now.”

“You mean not talk to him?” Yugyeom whispered back.

“Yea. Give Jackson some space, I think he only wants to talk to Jinyoung right now. Also…about JB-hyung, well..” Bambam looked left towards JB, whose face was contorted in worry.

“It’s all my fault. It’s all my fault.” JB muttered repeatedly.

— — —

“Move, MOVE PLEASE!” Jackson yelled at the other visitors with tears in his eyes as he ran down the hall to Mark’s room. The other members quickly followed behind. Jackson opened the door, and found the worst sight he could’ve ever imagined. Mark, peacefully laying down with his eyes closed, in a hospital gown. Like a dead man.

“I thought you said, the suppressants didn’t have any side effects. I thought you promised that you wouldn’t do anything that would cause you pain. YOU’VE NEVER TAKEN CARE OF YOURSELF!” Jackson suddenly shouted hoarsely , his tears streaming down his face. “IT’S ALWAYS ME! WHAT’S GOOD ABOUT ME IF YOU’RE NOT HERE, MARK? LEARN TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF _FOR ONCE_!” Jackson dropped on his knees, the petals around Mark softly sweeping up. “ _Please, please_ , just remember. I’m begging you. Mark, please be good to yourself for once.”

The other members were too afraid to go in. Jinyoung finally stepped in, and managed to drag Jackson out.

“I want to stay there with him.” Jackson said, resisting Jinyoung once they got outside.

“We have no choice. None of us can. JYP wants us back.”

“I don’t give a flying fuck abut JYP! Let me back!”

“I have something else to show you back at the dorm. It’s Mark’s.” Jinyoung said, looking into Jackson’s eyes. “I’m sure you’ll want to see it.

— — —

“Well, I know this seems weird, but I found this in you two’s dorm room the other day, it was shoved under the closet under a whole bunch of dust bunnies but..I thought you might want to take a look. I realize that this might be an infringement of privacy but you know how well privacy goes in this dorm. There’s zero.”

“Why were you in our dorm?” Jackson said, holding the red notebook in his hand. Jinyoung blushed a bit.

“I was trying to clean up after you two. I uh, you know how much I hate messy rooms. I’m sorry if you hated that. I just can’t stand disorderly things. That’s why I room alone.” Jinyoung paused, and looked at Jackson again. “I can sleep with you tonight if you feel you need someone to be there.”

“I want to sleep alone tonight. Thanks anyways, Jinyoung.” Jackson said, hardly cracking a smile. Jinyoung moved his lips a bit, but was unable to find the ability to smile.

“No problem. Sleep well, Jackson.” Jinyoung said as he closed the door behind him. Jackson sat down, and curled up onto Mark’s blanket. “I wonder if it’s really alright to read this..” Well either way, it couldn’t be too bad. Jackson opened the first page, which was completely untouched except for the English words “Beyond the World” in quotation marks. Jackson flipped to the second page, now full with Mark’s writing.

 

_Shouting your name to the sky,_

_I will never look back;_

_even if the sun never shines,_

_even if the rain never stops,_

_I…_

_Turn, stop, start, turn, stop, start;_

_this useless repeated cycle…_

_This sky, I dedicate to you._

_These stars, I dedicate to you._

_To whose name I cannot remember,_

_to whose smile bitterly forgotten,_

_to whose face I cannot see…_

_This heart, I dedicate to you._

_What if we went together,_

_Beyond the World?_

_Even if it had meant tossing my life aside, I…_

_Can you still see the stars?_

_What are you dreaming of?_

_Can you see the galaxies,_

_the nebulas whom you so dearly loved?_

_Your secret smiles were lost in the empty vacuum._

_Your heart, holds tremendous strength;_

_can I soar like you, to above and beyond?_

_May this small voice find your way…_

_May this timid, heartbroken smile find your way,_

_back, back, brave wanderer…!_

_Will my voice reach you, even a thousand years after?_

_Will my voice reach you, even beyond the moon?_

_Forgive my cowardice, envy, and selfishness._

_If there's no way back, this is meaningless._

_What's even more beautiful, than even stars and galaxies?_

_You are._

_This small, slowly dying heart…_

_I give to you._

_Even if I fade…_

_This sky, I dedicate to you._

_These stars, I dedicate to you._

_My oath, I give unto you._

_Softly, a small, weak whisper:_

_"Your hands hold tremendous warmth;_

_I'm sure you'll find your way.”_

       Jackson could not hold his tears in as he once more sighed. _“Stop crying. Stop it.”_ He repeated to himself, as his tears blurred his version. He managed a weak smile. “I didn’t know that you loved to do this. I didn’t know, that you were capable of writing the world in a poem, Mark.” Jackson closed the notebook, and put it where it came from.

 _“Mark, you’re beautiful.”_ Jackson whispered as he wiped his tears away, holding his empty hand out to a Mark that was not there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please inform me if there's any grammatical errors. While I was typing on Pages it did keep trying to change Bambam into "Bamboo" lol


	9. The One True King, Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> apparently Mark's not the only one that's got the hots for Jackson now! (my summaries are top notch...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, this chapter took way too long to release. sorry, family stuff and AP Calc prep classes in the summer kinda took over my life. I tried going outside with a cracker to view the eclipse but there was a cloud in the way :( P.S. we're back on track now! please welcome a new person that i just made up, Jenna.
> 
> P.P.S. I'm not very good at drawing at all, but I would like a visual representation of Jinyoung, Jackson, and Jenna (wow they're all J's) meeting up at the airport! If you are interested, I would be so grateful if you could create one for this! You can email me at minaswrites993@gmail.com. Thanks for reading!

       Jackson had a dream. He was in a white void, wearing a light blue hospital gown. He looked around, confused. “Why am I-“ After a blinding white flash, his hands and the front of his gown were coated with blood. Jackson gasped, and stepped back in terror. There was Mark, laying down on a sea of lilacs and white rose, a pool of red blood engulfing the flowers around him. Jackson immediately ran back to him. “Mark? Mark! Mark!” Mark’s eyes were closed serenely, and a small smile was etched onto his colorless lips. He looked as if he had died peacefully, without worry, without the pains of the world that he had left behind; Jackson couldn’t stand it. He tried to cry, but his sounds were muffled, and tears wouldn’t flow out. Jackson was holding a bloodstained dagger in his hands. In panic and pure terror, he threw the dagger as far away as he possibly could. He was shaking, his eyes wide and his body numb. Jackson felt like ice-cold spikes had penetrated through his entire body and rendered him motionless. He held Mark’s cold, blue hands. He cursed himself over and over silently, all while a dark shape grew in the corner of his eyes. It muttered his name softly, almost as if it were weeping. “Jackson, Jackson, Jackson,” It repeated over and over. He whipped his head around, and was taken by surprise at the darkness engulfing him, pressing him down with a heavy weight. He struggled to breathe and escape the darkness, but he couldn’t move. He only heard the quiet moans of the darkness, repeating his name sorrowfully over and over.

       Jackson woke up with a start, but he couldn’t move his head. “What the-“ he thought and a cold shiver ran down his spine as he realized someone was actually laying on top of him. In the dark, he managed to make out that it was Jaebum. “What the hell-“ Jackson was about to say, but paused when he heard Jaebum’s quiet sobbing. “Sorry Jackson, I’m sorry. Mark, Jackson, Jackson I’m sorry. Youngjae, Mark…”. Jackson pushed Jaebum off of him, and sighed. Was he sleepwalking? If so, Jackson felt a little bad for him because Jaebum did look like he had 0 sleep for the past few days. After everything that he’d done, Jaebum still seemed like a big, immature baby to him. Jackson gently removed his blanket from under JB and tucked him in. He then grabbed a spare pillow and went to sleep on the living room sofa.

 

— — —

 

Bambam, Jackson, Yugyeom, Jinyoung, Jaebum and Youngjae all went to JYP’s office the next day. JYP looked grave too, dark circles visible under his eyes. 

“I still want you to know that this is a temporary disbandment. I’m only giving you three months to work out everything. As for Mark, you guys never told me his condition but it’s bad enough that he’s in the hospital. You’re still under the contract, so don’t think you can do anything you desire while you’re away. The six of you are mostly fine, so we might do solos every so often during this break. Recording and dance sessions will still be initiated, just not for all six of you at the same time. You better make something up to the fans or else we’ll lose them all.”

“I don’t think you understand the full severity of this.” Jinyoung spoke up, upset about JYP’s harsh tone.

“Do you know anything about business, competition? Money rules the world, and it does too you and me,” JYP said coldly, looking at Jinyoung in the eye. “Don’t forget that.”

 

— — —

 

Later that night in their dorm, the six members did a vlive without Mark whilst not fully disclosing what had happened to him. They had just said that there was a health issue, and that they had hoped for the fans to support them.

“We’re really sorry,” Bambam added, “But we’ll still come out with new content for all of you, so don’t worry, aghases.” Overwhelming support flowed in from their fan group, and the six members let out a sigh. Of course, there was the occasional _“What the hell? Why?”_ and also crying emojis, but the hate and misunderstanding were suppressed by support from the community.

“I’m gonna crash at Yugyeom’s for the next couple of months. Sorry hyungs, it’s just too tense for me here.” With that, Yugyeom and Bambam left. Next, Youngjae also decided to leave.

“I have a cousin who doesn’t live far from the recording studio. I think-I’ll definitely come back to visit you every few days, Jackson.” He hugged Jackson and left, quickly glancing at Jaebum. It was Jaebum’s turn next. He had packed his essentials in a small black luggage, and was ready to go.

“I’m going to..a friend’s house. Bye.” Jackson supposed it was Jinyoung’s turn next.

“I’ll stay.” said Jinyoung, even though he looked conflicted. Jackson looked taken aback.

“Uh? Are you sure? This is a great opportunity for you to get back to your family.”

“Nah,” Jinyoung said, taking a seat on the couch. “I’d rather stay here with you, my parents still nag too much.” He laughed a little. Jackson relaxed a bit too, and smiled. These last few days really got to him, but now that only he and problem-solver Jinyoung were left, the chaotic aura around him faded.

“I’m still worried about Mark. Should we go check on him?” Jackson asked, tense.

“Jackson, you know how my friend’s a nurse at the hospital that Mark is in?”

“Yea?”

“Well I called her this afternoon during her break, and it turns out that Mark-that he’s-,” The words seemed hard to spit out for Jinyoung, who looked conflicted.

“He’s?” Repeated Jackson, his eyes wide with fear.

“He’s alright now, but something really bad could’ve happened. Something about…well after he took the suppressants, it took a few hours until it cut off air supply to the lungs and consequently almost to the brain. You know what that means right? It could’ve led Mark to being in a persistent vegetative state. We just have Youngjae to thank for immediately calling an ambulance to the hospital. Jackson, his hanahaki had already been gone for a day but he still took the suppressants. There were only petals left, but I guess Mark didn’t realize.”

Jackson sat in silence for a while, his feelings jumbled up. He was glad that Mark was alright, but he feared whatever Mark could’ve ended up as. Jinyoung looked at Jackson worriedly. “Don’t worry about Mark, alright? He’s fine for now. He needs to recover, but he’ll be home soon.”

“I’m a bad person, for not visiting him. I miss him.” Jackson clenched his fist, feelings his nose sting and his eyes water.

“You’re not a bad person at all, Jackson. Get some sleep, we’ll visit him tomorrow.”

 

— — —

 

“That day, he was crying his heart out in front of your cot and we were too conflicted to go in. I could feel his pain, hyung. I’m sure he’s glad that you’re doing better now. We’re all glad.” Yugyeom sat alone with Mark in his dim room, illuminated by a small night light. 

“I m-iss himmm.” Mark croaked, his voice sore from not using it in a while. “I want to-to see hi-i-m.”

“He’ll come here tomorrow, I’ll bet you anything on that. I’m sorry Bambam couldn’t come with me. I wanted to drag him out but he locked himself in my room.”

“S’okay. I’m f-ine.” Mark took a sip of warm water. “You should really…get going.” Yugyeom stood up and looked at the clock. It read 3:06 A.M. in bold red light.

“…You should sleep too, hyung.” Yugyeom slowed as he approached the door. “Oh yea, one more thing.” He turned around, his eyes slightly watery in the dim light. “Let’s be GOT7 together someday again, yea?”

“..Yea. Promise.” Mark said, showing a small smile. “Thanks.” Yugyeom smiled back, and softly closed the door behind him.

 

— — —

 

“Jackson. Jackson!” Jinyoung shook a sleepy Jackson up, holding his ringing phone. “Your mom’s calling you.”

“Mm-hm-m?” Jackson answered, barely awake. “H-mm-hmm-m,” He kept agreeing, while listening to his mom on he other end. “Ah-h-hm. Okay. When?” Suddenly, Jackson was wide awake. “What? She’s arriving IN _TWO HOURS_?” Jackson’s mom said some more things, and then hung up. Jackson quickly ran out of his room and into the restroom. Jinyoung was still confused.

“So, what’s the plan?” Jinyoung shouted to Jackson.

“We’re going to visit Mark first, and then we have to pick up my friend Jenna from the airport!” Jackson yelled back after the flush of a toilet. Jinyoung sighed deeply again as he stretched. Looks like it’ll be a busy day ahead of him.

Jackson was extremely giddy and jumpy on the way to the hospital.

“Jesus, Jackson…settle down. It’s not like you’ve never seen Mark before.”

“We’re FINALLY REUNITED!” Jackson yelled in the general direction of where Jinyoung was because he was too giddy to see where he actually sat. He actually yelled straight at the taxi driver, who jumped slightly at the red light and cussed softly under his breath. Jinyoung cringed silently. They paid the driver, apologized, and quickly got off and got through all the paperworks in the hospital. The bill wasn’t pretty but all that mattered was that Mark was well. Although Mark was out of the hospital, he still had to stay in the wheelchair, because his motor reflexes were still recovering and he had very low overall stamina. Jackson kissed the top of Mark's head, and even then they got strange looks from the nurses. "Maybe we should wait until they get back to the dorm."

“I wanna hug you, but I don’t want to break all your bones.” Jackson said, sitting with Mark in the back but not letting his hand go. One of Jinyoung’s friends had offered to drive them to the airport, so Jackson and Mark decided to be a bit more discreet about their relationship for the while.

“Hah..! Nothing’s gonna break. I’m tired is all.” Jinyoung was trying to avert attention from those two as stealthily as possible.

“So who you picking up?” Jinyoung’s friend asked, breaking the momentary awkward silence.

“This childhood friend that I used to have back when I was growing up in Hong Kong. We used to be close, I think? I can’t remember now..all I do remember are dance choreographies.” He chuckled slightly. Jinyoung’s friend laughed too.

“So, she used to be your childhood girlfriend or something? No tragic backstory to it, right?” Mark tightened his grip on Jackson’s hand. Jackson blushed slightly; Mark’s possessive streak never really goes away, ever.

“Nah, nothing like that. My parents still spoil her and remember her vividly, though. Apparently she’s coming with a couple friends to visit Korea and go sightseeing on break. She’s going to visit me alone, although that does make sense. Her friends are fans of GOT7 but she strictly prohibits them from seeing any of us. She thinks they’ll just leap on us or faint if they see us.”

“Yep, well you’re all pretty appealing to both younger girls and older women, that would be a careful precaution.” Jinyoung’s friend faked a sigh. “I wish I was young and handsome like you all.”

“Just go to the parking lot and see if there’s any spaces. It’s a hassle to drop by and we might get caught if we stay too long by the terminals, so you can stay with Mark. I’ll go get the girl with Jackson.”

“Sounds good.” Jinyoung’s friend said, finding a parking space on the third floor. “Damn, sure is busy today.”

 

— — —

 

Jackson swallowed nervously, and Jinyoung snorted. “What, got the hots for a girl now?”

“No, its just I-"

“You…?”

“I don’t know what she looks like.” He finished sheepishly.

“WhAT??!” Jinyoung cried, making a few passersby glance at them. “You mean she could’ve already got out and we wouldn’t have seen her? Geez, why didn’t we make a sign??”

“Shh! You think our cheap cover-up costumes are gonna go by undetected??” Jackson said, pointing at his white beard and thick square glasses. He pulled his black bucket hat further down his face. Jinyoung snorted violently, almost making his long black wig fall off. His mustache just accentuated the fact that his cover up was hipster-chic. Jinyoung’s beret slipped over one eye, increasing his level of chic.

“We look tragic, Jackson.”

“Oh! Er, I just got a picture of Jenna from my mom. Look for a girl with light-uh what the..light blue hair? And like really heavy Western makeup.” Immediately, Jinyoung and Jackson spotted her. Along with maybe the rest of the entire airport personnel and other bystanders.

“We’re attracting way too much attention with her.”

“Tell her to take her friends to the transit bus first to the hotel.”

“What if they figure out my disguise?”

“Jackson, you look like a crack addict. No one’s going to figure it out.” Jackson playfully glared at Jinyoung, who looked like Hitler if he had been born into the 1960’s hippie era in the U.S.

“She’s got some uh-tits.” Jinyoung stuttered, looking at Jenna who was clearly outline from her friends. She was wearing a black tank top and denim shorts, the amount of piercings on her ears and the jewelry around her neck almost uncountable. “Americanized?” Jinyoung whispered to Jackson.

“You could say that.” Jackson whispered back. He walked over to Jenna who was chatting with her friends and presumably looking for Jackson and Jinyoung, not a 50 year old crack addict and flower child Hitler.

“Uh, Jenna.” Jackson said, careful not to touch her. She whipped her blue hair around. _Why does she always have to do that?_ With a look of disgust, she asked, “Uh? Who _are_ you? Why do you know my name?”

“I’m Jackson.” He said in a low voice, making sure her friends couldn’t hear. “I’m in a disguise, you know?” He slightly took off his beard and pushed his bucket hat up further, revealing fluffy platinum hair. Jenna’s facial expression immediately changed.

“Ah! It’s you, J-Ja-Jam!” Jenna said, nervously glancing at her friends. “Um, this is Jackson’s dad’s friend’s uncle who lives in Korea, he’ll show you to the transit bus and I’ll come back to the hotel later.” Her friends made a collective noise of disappointment when they realized that Jackson and Jinyoung weren’t going to pick them up.

 

— — —

 

“It’s been sooooo long! I’ve missed you so much!” Jenna squealed, holding onto Jackson’s muscular arm. Jinyoung was riding shotgun, and Jackson sat in the middle in the back. This was probably the most awkward situation ever. A very dark aura of possessiveness emanated from Mark, and it seemed like Jenna could tell where it came from. Mark used a bit of strength to discreetly grab Jackson’s butt. Jackson jumped a bit, further prompting Jenna’s suspicion.

“Who is-ah, nevermind. The LA kid right? Mark.”

“Sup.” Mark said solemnly. “Jackson has had a long day, can you stop rubbing your sweaty tits against his arm?” Jenna’s face turned bright red. “Excuse me?”

“I said stop rubbing your big ol’ tits against his arm.” Mark growled. Jinyoung’s friend was thankfully oblivious to this as he had a pair of earbuds plugged in, the music somewhat jumbling what he was hearing, so he assumed it was friendly banter. In actuality, Jenna and Mark were about to tear each other apart.

“Stop being so possessive of him, gosh that’s creepy. You two are both guys, grow up or something.” Jackson remained dead silent, and Jinyoung pretended to focus in on his Candy Crush Saga game. _“God, why did we even pick her up,”_ Jinyoung thought to himself.

“You’re not fit to be his girlfriend.” Mark hissed, accidentally taking his anger out on Jackson’s butt. He was clenching too tightly. Jackson’s face contorted in pain, and then Mark realized. 

“Oops-uh, Jackson I uh-"

“I’m _not_ fit?” Jenna interrupted. “We’ll see about that.”


	10. Your Embrace, In my Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh geez. It's been a real long time, sorry guys. Had some stuff. I wonder if anyone reads this anymore? I'll continue to update, thanks for all your support. This was a sobering chapter to write lmao

“I’m going home after all.” Jinyoung hissed, his under-eye circles worse than ever. “You two have been fighting nonstop for 3 days after you’ve seen each other. Hell, have you two eaten or drank _anything_?”

“Not until this thing is settled.” Mark hissed from across the dorm near the dining room table.

“Over my dead body.” She retorted back in English. Jinyoung groaned in frustration loudly.

“Jackson, your thoughts?” Jinyoung asked, turning to the hunched figure in the kitchen.

“I’m not thinking of anything. I don’t have any thoughts.” Jackson said, his dark circles even worse than Jinyoung’s.

“Well, come and get me if you really want to settle something..!” Jenna said, standing up. Mark rolled his eyes.

“I used the remainder of my motor skills on grabbing Jackson’s ass yesterday in the middle of the night and my eye roll just now.”

“You _WHAT_?” She fumed, looking like a comic character with her seemingly tomato-red face.

“Oh god, not again.” Jackson muttered, covering his eyes with his hands. Jinyoung patted him on the back.

“You have it tough, buddy. I mean, in a way they’re getting along well.”

“What kind of traumatic childhood friendships did you have to merit those two as _‘going along well’_?” Jackson groaned as Jinyoung smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand. “Ow!”

“Let’s call everyone over tonight. See if that gets rid of her. If they wanna come they can, if they don’t then too bad. Let’s have hot pot. I’ll pay for the ingredients.”

“You’re just changing the topic.” Jackson said, which earned him another smack to the forehead by Jinyoung.

 

— — —

 

Jaebum did receive the message, but he didn’t know if he should go or not. He sure as hell missed Youngjae. He couldn’t bring himself to forget either Youngjae or…Jackson. He was still his old prick self.

“Don’t bring yourself down too much.” Jaebum’s friend said, setting down a plate of waffles and a caffe latte for him. Jaebum thanked her and dug in. She took a seat adjacent to him, and looked him in the eye. “I know you’re going through some things, and I know life is tough for you. You fucked up. Bum, we all do.”

“Oh, quit calling me Bum. I told you to stop when I was like 5.”

“Yea, when you were five and I was nine. Have some respect. Still, seriously. The world’s not gonna collapse in on itself just because you fucked up once. Hell, I accidentally flung my ex-boyfriend across the canyon and he almost didn’t make it to the other ledge.”

“..Is that why you two broke up?”

“That fits in somewhere.”

“That sounds like an extremely toxic relationship.” Jaebum’s friend rolled her eyes.

“Like you have a fucking say in this. Also, the ledge wasn’t that far across at all.”

“Mina, I fucked up big time. Just like you. I don’t know how to fix this.”

“Shut up, kid.” Mina retorted, yet she glanced at Jaebum. He seemed small and quiet and tired. She sighed, and ruffled his hair. “Maybe time will fix things. First, you need to man up and apologize to the people you hurt. That was a dick move on Youngjae.”

“I know. And I…I really do love him. I fucked up so many times, I can’t control my emotions, I…” Jaebum put his hands over his face, and sobbed. He sobbed for on and on, and let the gateway of emotions he had locked up for over a week. It hurt like hell, and it felt like the world was ending. Mina glanced over and sighed, once more.

“I’ll leave you alone for now. I’ll be upstairs, text me if you need anything.” Jaebum heard the soft click of a door behind him, sending him into another fit of heaving sobs. It was hell, knowing that crying could give him such a cathartic release.

 

— — —

 

Mark was in their room sleeping. Jinyoung had gone out to get groceries. Jenna had finally left. Jackson was alone in the living room, muttering to himself.

“So incapable…I am so incapable of protecting him…” Jackson slapped himself on his right cheek. It hurt, but it felt right. “Dumbass. Incapable.” He slapped himself again. “You’re supposed to be there for him.” Another slap. Jackson’s ears rang. “Why are you such a fucking coward?” Another slap, but even harder, on the left cheek. “You’re supposed to protect him, let him know you’re there. You can’t even get that across, you _pathetic COWARD!_ ” Jackson bellowed, punching himself in the left cheek; he felt his vision go blurry, and a constant ringing was in his ear. Something warm trickled down from the spot that hurt so badly. “Ha…ha…” There were no more tears left to cry, for Jackson had dried his out. He  heard footsteps, and a door creak open.

“Jackson?” Mark said, looking behind the door. Jackson looked at Mark, astonished. Mark was so frail now, so devoid of color, so delicate. He was the condition that Jackson was in awhile ago. And Jackson couldn’t help but feel the tears swelling in his eyes again. _“So you have regained some humanity”_ , he thought to himself. 

“Mark…Mark, come here.” Jackson spread his arms out, and Mark walked over to him, slowly. Jackson embraced Mark, who was crying. “I hurt you so much, why?” Jackson cradled Mark, feeling his ribcages, cursing silently. He put his head against Mark’s back softly. It was like Jackson was holding an empty case of what used to be him. Mark turned around and put his hands on Jackson’s shoulders, squeezing it softly. 

“I don’t know what to say.” Mark kissed the top of Jackson’s forehead, and closed his eyes. Jackson’s eyes were glazed over.

“I’ve realized a lot of things since this all went downhill, Mark. I was in love with the figure of Jaebum. He was so in control, so calm and collected, and able to protect what he loved with pride. And I? I was like the fucking clown of the group.” Mark scowled. Jaebum. He was always on Jackson’s mind. Jackson looked up at Mark and smiled softly, his eyes clearing.

“It’s always Im Jaebum this, I-” Before Mark could finish, Jackson grabbed his hands. “Mark, listen to me.” Mark flushed at Jackson’s unusual somber tone. All the anger flushed out of him, and his hands went limp.

“I said I fell in love with the figure of Jaebum. Not Jaebum himself. In fact, I never once said I was in love with him. I’m not going to put any blame on you, nor am I trying to, but do you remember how you assumed I loved Jaebum?” Mark felt a chill down his back. Jackson was right. he never said he loved Jaebum; Mark yelled it out loud as a baseless assumption.

“Then I was so rude, I was so…” Mark looked down at Jackson, visibly panicked. “Why..why didn’t you say anything?”

“I was scared for my life back then, Mark. I didn’t know what to do. It was like I had a deadweight on both my shoulders, and somebody was closing in on my throat with clamps. It wasn’t your fault. I’m the one guilty of you hurting Jaebum. It was always leading up to that point, Mark. We’re in the same room together. I guess I just hid my evidence so well you couldn’t even see a trace.”

“Evidence?” Mark looked down at Jackson, who kissed the back of his hand. Jackson looked back up with hooded eyes. Mark shivered, feeling that something was so different with Jackson.

“Evidence that my Hanahaki was slow. Slow and painful. Two years ago, the first petal came out. That day…well, it just came out exponentially. I freaked out because you finally saw. Finally saw that ugly scene.”

“Jackson..! You’re not ugly-that wasn’t ugly either!” Mark ran his hands through his hair. “That means that all along, Jackson, you-”

“-I loved you.” Jackson said, kissing Mark on the lips, taking his breath away. Mark was overwhelmed with emotion.

“I caused you all this pain-I caused all this confusion and misery and everything.” Mark cried once more. Jackson frowned.

“Don’t think like that. Don’t ever assume that, actually. It was my own fault that I doubted your feelings and my own feelings and that I never thought once to ask you.”

“A-Ask me-e…” Mark repeated through his heaving.

“Will you be mine?” Jackson said, tossing everything aside; tossing the teachings of his parents, tossing the chains that were Jenna. “Even if my family disowns me, even if I’m shunned, Mark, I’ll still have you. And having you, well…that would be the most wonderful thing in this whole entire world.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woohoo cliche cliff hangers

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave comments and suggestions on here! I strive to improve my works, and you all help tremendously! Thank you all so so much ^^


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